The Big C
by perpetualpathology
Summary: Sam is diagnosed with breast cancer and has a long fight ahead of her with Tom by her side. She receives bad news again and again but who will win? Sam or the cancer?
1. Chapter 1

**I can't believe the lack of Sam/Tom stories at the moment, there're literally no stories except 'Only time will tell' by JustBeTrueToWhoYouAre and 'Brave, are we not?' by WaterlooRoadSianandMadi (which btw are excellent fics if you want some more Tam!). It's taken a while for me to get around to writing this and I'm writing it at the same time as my Holby City fic 'Double Trouble' but I should be able to update this every day and I aim for it to be around 20 chapters :)**

* * *

To Sam and Tom it seemed like any other day; they were a young, newly married couple and were sexually active, so making love in their double bed was nothing out of the ordinary. But what was out of the ordinary, was when Sam put her hand firmly on Tom's bare chest as he hovered above her, to signal that she wanted him to stop, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Hey, what's up?" Tom asked worriedly as his chest quickly rose and fell as he caught his breath back. But Sam didn't reply. Instead, he watched as she opened her eyes and then smoothed her fingers over her cleavage with a face of confusion. She was checking for any lumps or bumps, not that he knew that, but she didn't find anything. "Are you in pain again?" He queried as he knew that over the recent weeks, she had had occasional aching pains in one of her breasts but she had always told him that it was associated with her menstrual cycle. She had also assured him that it was not chest pain so it wasn't cardiovascular related; she claimed it was merely part of being a woman. "Sam this isn't normal." Tom stated pleadingly.

"I'm fine." Sam sighed as she forced a smile whilst she placed her hands on his chest and slowly moved them up over his neck until she was cupping his cheeks in her hands; she was trying to initiate intercourse again as she felt bad because she'd stopped them.

"No, don't do that." Tom ordered abruptly and Sam awkwardly slipped her hands off of him and he got off of her and sat up next to her as he pulled their duvet over his lap. He'd been worried about her ever since he'd first noticed her experience pain a few weeks before their wedding in December. But after she had timidly told him that she was due on her period the next day, he'd let it go because she clearly didn't like to talk about it.

Since they'd gotten closer after their marriage, she found it easier to talk about such things, but she still wasn't completely open with Tom and that concerned him a lot. The pains seemed to have become more and more frequent, and he had a suspicion that it was only because Sam was finding them harder to hide that he'd been noticing them more.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked confusedly as she wondered why she'd been rejected by him.

"I'm worried about yo-"

"There's nothing wrong with me." Sam protested bluntly.

"Alright fine. If there's nothing wrong with you, then you'll have no problem with going to see your GP tomorrow morning, will you?"

"I don't need to." Sam huffed.

"Please Sam? Just go for me?" Tom begged. "I can come with you and wait outside or go to the consultation with you; it'll be up to you."

"But what's the point in taking up an appointment when someone else actually needs it?"

"Because _you_ might need it." Tom stated. "Please."

"Fine, I'll go tomorrow." Sam sighed. But Tom could tell by the look on her face that she was trying to conceal a grimace because she was still in pain.

"Thank you." Tom said gratefully after letting out a sigh of relief. "I'll go and get you some paracetamol and then we'll get some rest." Tom said softly as he leant across and kissed Sam on the forehead before he got out of bed, pulled on a pair of clean boxers and disappeared from the room and he soon reappeared with a glass of water and a blue box containing two foil and plastic trays of tablets. "Have you got any family history of breast cysts or problems around that area?" Tom asked curiously as he sat on the bed besides Sam who, in his absence, had pulled on one of his shirts to cover her naked body.

"No." Sam replied honestly before she took two painkilling tablets with a few sips of water. "I'm sorry... For making us stop just because I-"

"Don't be sorry you soppy cow." Tom chuckled quietly as he got under the duvet and put his arm around her back as she snuggled in to his chest. "And for the record, you're not getting out of it tomorrow. We'll get up early, go down to the doctors' surgery and get the first appointment you can before work yeah?" Tom said softly as he gently rubbed his arms up and down her back whilst his wife rested her head on part of his pillow, just in front of his torso.

"You? Getting up early? You're having a laugh aren't you?" Sam joked half-heartedly.

"I can get up early if it's something important. And your health is." Tom replied.

"They'll just say it's related to my periods." Sam stated sleepily.

"Well if they do, you can say 'I told you so'. There's nothing wrong with getting checked out and you should know that given that we spend half the day telling patients that they should've seen a doctor earlier." Tom stated. "And by the looks of it, it's a good job that we did stop because you're knackered." Tom smiled as he began to stroke her hair whilst she laid with her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips. Little did they know, that the next day would mean that Sam wouldn't be smiling again for a long long time...

* * *

Sam and Tom sat in the waiting room of their local general practitioners' building, away from the hospital as they awaited her appointment that they had managed to get at 7:30am with Dr Stevens who wasn't Sam's registered GP but she just wanted the first appointment available so that they could then go straight to work after.

"I can wait outside if you want." Tom offered. "I'm not ecstatic to say this because you're my wife and I hope you feel comfortable talking to me about anything but, if it'll mean you'll be more honest without me there then I'd rather you go by yourself." He admitted.

"Honest about what?" Sam questioned.

"You and I both know that breast pain is normal maybe a few days before your period, possibly during it and then it should go once you're finished but you seem to have it several days every week. You've got to know that this isn't right." Tom stated in a hushed voice and Sam just rolled her eyes. "Look, I know you might be scared but you're doing the right thing, getting yourself checked out."

"You don't say." Sam said sarcastically and a long silence fell over the two of them until Sam spoke up. "Alright, I'm sorry for being a bit... Y'know." She shrugged. "And I want you to come in with me, I don't want to hide anything from you." She added confidently.

"I'm glad to hear it." Tom replied as he let out a sigh of relief before he put his arm around her shoulders.

_"Mrs Kent, please come to room 7."_ Was spoken over the tannoy in the waiting room.

"It'll be alright." Tom said reassuringly as he stood up and then held his hand out. Sam took it and then they walked down a small corridor until they reached the room. Tom entered first and then held the door open for his wife as she timidly entered. It was too late for her to turn back now despite the fact that she didn't want to be there.

"Mrs Kent, I'm Dr Stevens but you can call me Dawn." A woman who was younger than Sam by a year or two smiled as she sat at a desk whilst Sam sat and Tom sat on a chair each on the other side of her desk. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"I've been having some pains, in my breasts." Sam admitted slowly. "And sometimes it spreads to my underarm. I think it's just to do with my menstrual cycle but someone kept on bugging me to get checked out." She explained as she glanced at her husband and then back at the doctor in front of her.

"And how often or frequent are these pains?" Dawn asked as she began typing on the computer with the screen facing away from her patient so she had no idea what she was typing.

"Every day." Sam replied quietly as she looked at the floor to avoid eye contact with her husband who she knew would be shocked.

"Would you say the pain is a stabbing pain, throbbing-"

"No. No, it's more of an ache." Sam interrupted. "It's usually a dull ache but sometimes it'll flare up and I'll have to stop what I'm doing because of it."

"Okay. We'll let me just get a few things straight, you've been on the contraceptive pill for six years now yes?"

"Mmhmm." Sam nodded.

"And you're on no other medication other than Beconase for hayfever which you take daily." She read off of the screen.

"No, I don't take the hayfever tablets since I moved to Holby last year; the environment I was in before I moved here aggravated hayfever but I'm fine now." Sam stated.

"Okay. Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"

"Yes but not a lot. Probably only around 8-10 units a week, if that." Sam replied.

"Good to hear. Do have any family history of breast cancer, benign tumours or cysts on the breast or anything like that?" Dawn asked, all whilst Tom sat with a hand on Sam's knee to show he was there for her without being inappropriate or taking her mind off of things because she needed to be focused.

"Not that I know of, I left home at 16 so I'm not entirely sure." Sam replied awkwardly.

"Okay well never mind about that." The doctor smiled to change the subject for Sam which made her feel a bit more comfortable. "Just a few more questions about your current health, have you had any discharge or bleeding from your nipples?"

"No."

"Have you noticed any changes in the size or shape of your breasts?"

"No, I normally check once a month and I checked again this morning; as far as I can tell there're no lumps." Sam stated confidently.

"Right..." Dawn paused whilst she caught up on typing Sam's notes up on the computer before she opened her top draw and took out a pair of gloves. "If you just want to jump on the bed, I can give you quick examination and see what's going on." She smiled as she stood by the wall where the bunched up thin curtain was. Sam got up and got onto the bed, whilst Tom sat there and then the doctor pulled the curtain around the bed so that Sam had some privacy. He waited for several minutes until he heard Sam get given the all clear so that she could get dressed again. And then the curtain was opened and Sam sat down next to him again. "Well as far as I can see, there's no obvious cause of your pain. However, I would just like to refer you to Holby General hospital for a mammogram to get a better look." Dawn stated.

"So it's nothing then, it's just because of my menstrual cycle, right?" Sam questioned.

"Well given that you experience pain daily, I wouldn't think so. We'll just have to see what the mammogram says, and if that doesn't show anything then you'll probably be given a blood test to check for an unusual infection."

"Do you think its cancer?" Sam asked bluntly.

"I honestly can't say. I mean, it's unlikely with your age, good health and lack of symptoms however it is possible; you'll just have to wait for the mammogram results." She explained. "Now the earliest slot for a mammogram is... In five days' time, so on Monday at 1 o'clock. Is that alright?"

"Five days?" Tom questioned.

"I know it's a long time to wait but the schedule is full I'm afraid. That's the earliest I can offer you."

"That'll be fine." Sam sighed.

* * *

As Tom drove Sam to the hospital after her appointment for their shifts in the ED, the couple were in complete silence. And Sam hadn't said a single word since they'd left the building.

"Do you want me to try and pull some strings and get your mammogram sooner?" Tom asked. "I've got a few mates from uni in radiology and I'm sure there'll be somewhere that they can squeeze you in."

"Go on then." Sam replied. "I thought we'd come out and I'd get the all clear." She admitted.

"Well, at least they're being thorough. You wouldn't want them to miss anything."

"There isn't anything for them to miss." Sam said adamantly.

"Yep, let's hope so." Tom had to force a smile because he was getting frustrated at Sam's stubbornness that she was perfectly healthy when he was so worried about her, but he didn't want to stress her out by protesting. Soon, he parked up in the hospital car park and the couple got out and walked around the building to the entrance of the emergency department. "Right, you go and get changed and I'll catch up with you while I try and pull some strings." Tom smiled as he pulled his phone out and Sam then jogged to the staffroom so that she wasn't late, whilst Tom went to an empty corridor for some peace and quiet before he dialled someone on his phone. "Hello? Hi James, it's me Tom. I was just wondering if there're any mammogram appointments going spare today... Well it's just that it's my wife who needs an appointment and apparently they can't fit her in for five days but she wants an appointment as soon as. You couldn't fit her in some time today, could you?... 11am? Yeah, that's great mate, cheers... Alright, see you in a bit... Bye." Tom put his phone in his pocket and he just caught a glimpse of his boss trotting past the doors in front of him so he quickly caught up with her until he was in her office. "Zoe." He announced.

"Tom, what can I do for you?"

"Me and Sam need to take an early lunch break from about 10:45."

"No. No way, I can't just lose two of my doctors like that at such short notice." Zoe replied.

"Please Zoe, it's important." Tom pleaded.

"What is?"

"I can't tell you but it's a medical appointment and we can't miss it." Tom stated.

"There's no way a medical appointment would require both of you." Zoe protested. "And if it did, you can book it when you're not due on shift. You're already late as it is."

"I know, but it's just... Sam really needs my support okay? I can't let her go through this on her own." Tom pleaded.

"Go through what?"

"She's scared Zoe. I know she is, but she won't admit it."

"Scared of what Tom?" Zoe demanded.

"She's got to have a mammogram. She's been having these pains and she's saying it's nothing but I know her and I know she's worried."

"Oh right... Well, I suppose I could try and borrow a doctor or two from upstairs for an hour." Zoe tried to hide her astonishment at the revelation as she knew Sam wouldn't like a fuss made.

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks." Tom smiled sadly. "I'd better go and tell her." Tom said to excuse himself and he walked through to the staffroom where he found Sam securing her yellow stethoscope around her neck as she stood in her turquoise scrubs. "I've got you an appointment at 11am and Zoe's given us the all clear to leave at quarter to. Okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Sam said meaninglessly as she closed her locker and she went to leave the room but she stepped into Tom's chest as he tried to stop her from leaving.

"You said this morning that you didn't want to hide anything from me so please just stop pretending you don't care." Tom pleaded as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"What do you want me to do?" Sam sighed as she closed her eyes and inhaled the distinctive scent of his aftershave. "Break down in your arms crying?"

"If that's what you feel like doing." Tom replied softly. "I just don't want you to pretend that nothing's happening." Tom stated as he rubbed his hands up and down her back. "But saying that, no matter what happens, we're gonna be okay. I promise." Tom whispered before he kissed the top of her head. But despite the confidence he said that with, both were still dreading the rest of the day and what news her appointment would bring.

* * *

**Coming Up: What happens when Sam and Tom receive more inconclusive news and have to wait even longer to find out what is happening? Is there a strain beginning to form on their marriage?**

**Thank you for reading, please leave a review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Tom was tapping his foot on the floor as he waited in a corridor, sitting down on a row of chairs, for his wife to return. Every time the door from radiology flew open, he would jump up. Only every time it hadn't been the one he loved. After doing so several times, he had given up when people exited the swinging doors so he leapt out of his skin when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"You took your time." Tom exclaimed concernedly.

"Mammograms take half an hour. _I_ was half an hour." Sam stated bluntly as Tom rose to his feet.

"So what's happening next then?" Tom asked.

"Your uni 'mate' James said that he couldn't believe that you'd managed to score someone like me, so he's going to look at the images straight away and told me to wait out here." Sam stated as she slowly sat down on a seat and Tom then sat back down, right next to her.

"He didn't actually say 'score' did he?" Tom smirked.

"Oh yeah. And you should've seen his face when I took my bra off. He tried to be discrete but I watched him in the corner of my eye - his eyes flew open and he asked me again if I was actually married to you because she thought you were just having a laugh." Sam complained as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah well, at least you're getting seen quicker." Tom replied as he put his arm around her shoulders.

"How long did Zoe say we're allowed off of the ward for?" Sam asked.

"She didn't. But I told her that you had an appointment so I'm sure she's not going to shout if we take a little longer than an hour." Tom stated.

"Tom, long time no see." James announced as he arrived in front of Sam and Tom holding an iPad.

"Yeah, we'll have to catch up and have a drink some time." Tom nodded as he stood up and shook his hand.

"Right, if you'd like to follow me to my room. We can discuss your results." He said to Sam before he began walking along the corridor and the couple followed behind until they reached a consultation room. "Take a seat for me please." He requested and Sam and Tom sat on one side of his desk whilst he sat down at the other. "Right. I'm afraid, it's not good news; your results do show a mass in your left breast. But because you're young, you have a high tissue density." James stated as he showed Sam and Tom the black and white scan on the iPad. "Therefore the scan was inconclusive. So, if it's alright, I'd like to give you an ultrasound now just so that we can get a better picture as to what this mass is." He requested as he got up and headed over towards the bed in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, that's fine." Sam replied reluctantly as she got to her feet and then went and got onto the bed.

"Would you like your husband to stay? Or I can pull a curtain around if you'd prefer." He stated as he switched on the ultrasound machine.

"He's staying." Sam stated adamantly and Tom gave a small smile as he sat down on the chair besides the bed and they both waited whilst Sam pulled her scrub shirt over her head, handed it to her husband to hold for a moment before she unclipped her bra and handed that to him too.

"Okay, I'll just put that there." James stated as he put a thin blue paper sheet over Sam to cover up what he didn't need access to, before her squeezed some lubricant onto the transducer. "Now, this doesn't normally give us a definite diagnosis, unless it is something like a cyst, which would be fluid filled." He stated as he gently placed the transducer onto Sam's chest and moved it around until he was in the prime location to see the mass on the black and white screen.

The screen was facing him so neither Sam nor Tom could see it. Instead, they were both studying the doctor's face to see what his reaction was. He pressed a couple of buttons to print off the images whilst the couple nervously awaited for any news.

"Okay. The mass, is solid so it's probably not a cyst." James stated finally as he removed the transducer from Sam and she wiped herself with a piece of tissue before she pulled the blue sheet up to cover herself. "You see, this isn't for certain, but because the mass has jagged edges, that would suggest that it's cancerous. So I'd like to perform a needle biopsy to determine what really is inside of you." He stated.

"When can it be done?" Sam asked after an awkward silence.

"Well I've got an appointment with my next patient in a few minutes so I can't perform it now. But I finish at five. If you pop down here just after, I could stay behind, perform the procedure and you should have the results back within a couple of days." He explained.

* * *

"Are you going to get some rest?" Tom asked quietly as he laid in bed under the duvet whilst Sam was sat up besides him, leaning against the headboard with her bedside lamp on as she used the iPad to research everything possibility as to what her mass was.

"I'm gonna stay up for a bit longer. You go to sleep." Sam replied without taking her eyes off of the screen as they went from left to right as she read lines and lines of information.

"Alright. Night." Tom leant in and kissed her on the cheek before he laid down on his side and closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine what she was going through, but he also couldn't stop worrying about her. She had clearly been in some pain when she had come out of her needle biopsy but she had just taken some paracetamol as James had recommended and she'd said nothing since. How could she possibly be ill? Sam Kent was the woman who was in perfect shape and form, the woman who ate incredibly healthy and exercised daily. Why was she the one that was potentially ill when there were so many others who took less care of themselves and yet they didn't suffer any health complications? After a lot of tossing and turning, he finally managed to get off to sleep, but unfortunately, Sam had remained awake doing her research on the iPad.

* * *

It was 2am when Tom cursed himself for having a cup of tea before bed as he woke hearing the call of nature. He knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without going so he carefully sat up in the hope that he wouldn't wake up his wife but with the silvery moonlight coming through the window, he saw that she had fallen asleep with the iPad on her lap where she had obviously fallen asleep reading something.

He gently removed the tablet, placed it on her bedside table and pulled the duvet up to her chin before he got up and went to the toilet. To think that cells belonging to his wife were sitting in a lab at that very moment, waiting to be tested for cancer was so confusing, enraging and upsetting at the same time. He just kept on telling himself that there was still a chance that it was benign and he had no reason to worry. But as a doctor, he knew that given the information that they had so far, that was unlikely.

After using the bathroom, Tom gently slid back into bed and laid on his side facing his sleeping wife. He knew that, no matter what happened, he'd have to be brave the next day. But what did the future hold for him and his wife?

* * *

**Coming Up: What will Sam's results show? And how will the couple deal with the life-changing news?**


	3. Chapter 3

Sam took a deep breath as she sat on one of a row of chairs in the corridor on radiology with her husband sat right beside her. They hadn't said much all morning but there wasn't anything either of them needed to say. They knew each other well enough to know that they were both going out of their mind with worry and Sam knew that Tom was there no matter what because of a simple gesture – he was sat holding one of her hands with both of his and he was gently rubbing his thumb up and down on the back of her hand.

"Sam? If you'd like to come in." James said as he opened his consult room door for his patient. "I hope you don't mind but I've invited Dr Helen Simmons here to have a chat."

"You specialise in oncology." Sam whispered as she read the doctor's name badge.

"Just take a seat and we'll go through everything with you." James said reassuringly as he sat behind his desk. Sam and Tom then slowly sat down on the chairs on the opposite side of the desk and as before, Tom held his wife's hand and kept it on her thigh. "Okay. I'm going to cut to the chase Sam: you have invasive ductal carcinoma which is why I've invited Helen so that she can discuss what's going to happen next for you."

"Now I've been informed that you are both doctors so I won't dumb anything down too much." The oncologist stated. "Invasive ductal carcinoma is cancer in the lining of your milk ducts and in your case, it is only the left breast that is affected. It can spread quickly so I'd like to schedule you for a lumpectomy to remove the tumour very soon, and that will be followed by a lymph node biopsy to see if it has spread to your lymph nodes. Do you have any questions so far?"

"W-when could it be done?" Tom stuttered whilst his wife remained silent.

"Well Sam, your case is relatively high priority so I could probably find a slot for some time this weekend."

"And what happens after that?" Tom queried.

"After consulting your wife's case, I'd like to proceed with an aggressive course of action – chemotherapy bi-weekly for two weeks, then a four week recovery period and then the same routine would be repeated three times before she begins radiotherapy for 5 weeks." Helen replied as she sensed she was only talking to her patient's husband – Sam was sat with a blank face, staring down at the floor. "I know it's a lot to take in so maybe you'd prefer it if we book another appointment later today to give you some time to think things through. Of course there are other options, and I'm happy to discuss them with you but I find once my patients have their diagnosis, they seem to be unable to focus on anything else for a little while."

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" Tom questioned as he entered his boss's office in his turquoise scrubs whilst he tried to keep a discrete eye on his wife through the open door.

"Yeah, I just wanted to ask how Sam's mammogram went." Zoe replied. "It's just she seems really… disengaged, which is unlike her."

"Um…" Tom trailed off as he glanced to the open door and back. He didn't want to betray his wife's trust but Sam was barely talking and he needed to talk to someone so he closed the office door to give them some privacy. "She's got invasive ductal carcinoma. But I just don't know what to do." He admitted helplessly. "She only got the diagnosis this morning but she's barely spoken to me since then and she just seems to be carrying on as normal."

"I'm sorry to hear that Tom but you know what it's like; when people get a diagnosis sometimes they just need to focus on something and for Sam, that appears to be work."

"But I don't know what to do." He repeated. "I feel like an awful husband and human being for saying this but I'm angry at her because it's like she's ignoring me. She's got cancer and I accept that it needs time to sink in but…"

"No, Tom that's normal. Cancer affects relationships as well as the patient so it's normal for you to feel confused or angry at the moment."

"But I can't lose her Zoe. We've just settled down after the wedding and now there's a very real possibility that–"

"That Sam will make a full recovery." Zoe interrupted. "There's real evidence from recent studies that putting up a mental fight and having a positive attitude, as well receiving medical treatment can help to beat cancer." She stated. "Go and get your wife, take her home, sit her down and tell her that whatever she wants to do, you can do. Whether she wants to talk, she wants to cry or she wants to go out to take her mind off of things, you're going to support her."

"Don't you need us here?" Tom frowned.

"Sam's more important. Go on, go and get her."

"Thanks Zoe."

"No problem. But when she is ready to talk, make sure you talk to her about the time she needs off of work and let me know okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

* * *

After exiting the clinical lead's office, Tom walked out into cubicles and glanced around for a few moments until he saw his wife sitting at the nurses' station.

"Come with me." Tom said softly as he eased the biro pen out of her hand.

"Why?" She frowned.

"Just do it, come on." Tom ordered as he pulled her chair back and then took her hand. He led her through to the staffroom and closed the door behind him before he opened his locker and pulled his scrub shirt off. "Get changed, we're going home."

"But–"

"Zoe's given us permission. Come on, we need to go home and talk things through so that we're ready to come back to your appointment this evening. I know you're scared and you're probably feeling a million things at once right now but I really just want us to sit down and talk." He explained.

"Can we go to Subway and get lunch on the way?" Sam asked timidly.

"Yeah, of course we can." Tom smiled as it was the most that she had said to him at once, all day. "You're not alone you know, it's you and I together." He said reassuringly. "I just wish that you'd talk to me."

"I just don't know what to say to you." Sam admitted. "A few days ago we were happy and now I've… I've got… I can't even say it." She muttered.

"You don't have to say it out loud, you're going to need time to accept what's happening." Tom said softly. "Come on, there's a six inch, nine grain wheat bread turkey sub with all the salad except the olives and no sauces with your name on it." He stated which produced a smile from his wife as he knew exactly what her regular was.

* * *

"I don't want people feeling sorry for me – that includes you – and I don't want you to treat me differently just because I've… because of what happened this morning." Sam stated as she and Tom sat in their car in the car park of their local Subway whilst they ate their lunch.

"I know. But you do need to accept that you will have to take it easy. Chemo and radiotherapy can really wear people down."

"I know." Sam sighed. "About yesterday, I'm grateful that you got me to see James earlier. If you hadn't have called him then I'd still be waiting for the mammogram and it could've been weeks before they'd have started treatment."

"No worries, I'm sure you'd do the same for me." Tom smiled. "I know you might be a bit mad but I told Zoe about your appointments and what happened." He admitted.

"I know you did – why else would she have let us leave work several hours early?" Sam half-joked.

"So you're not angry with me?"

"No, she needs to know and I'm just glad I didn't have to do it."

"Zoe wanted me to ask you about taking time off too by the way."

"Unless I need time off for an appointment that can't be rescheduled outside of working hours then I don't want time off. I need work so that there's still something that I'm good at and so that I can focus on something else for a while. Some people are in a far worse situation than me but I've got every chance to beat this… I've got cancer... But I am as sure as hell not going down without a fight."

"I'm glad to hear it. And that's the first time you've said the 'c' word all day." Tom said admirably.

"Can we go home now?"

"Yeah, of course we can." Tom nodded as he put his paper wrappings in the Subway bag and then pulled his seatbelt on. "Remember you can talk to me about anything, yeah? Even if it's the middle of the night and you can't sleep. Just give me a nudge."

"I know." Sam nodded. "Although with your snoring, you need more than a nudge to wake up." She quipped.

* * *

**Coming Up: How will Sam's lumpectomy go? And how will they decide to proceed when they are informed the chemotherapy could lead to infertility?**


	4. Chapter 4

Tom was pacing up and down the corridor outside of theatre whilst his wife was having her lumpectomy to remove the tumour. She had only had a local anaesthetic but Tom wasn't allowed to be in the theatre and he nervously awaited any news. His heart was beating ten to the dozen when finally, one of the doors swung open and the surgical oncologist stepped out.

"Mr Kent, you wife is stable and she's just about to be taken to recovery." He stated. "I've done my best but some of the growth – which was about the size of a large grape – was attached to her lymph nodes so I couldn't remove all of it I'm afraid. The fact that her lymph nodes have been affected means that I'd also like to start chemotherapy sooner – possibly as soon as next week when Sam should be fully recovered from the lumpectomy."

"Have you told Sam this?" Tom asked after he ran his hands over his face.

"Yes, she requested a commentary whilst I performed the procedure and as a perfectly competent, calm individual I saw no reason to object." He replied.

"Okay. Thank you by the way, I'm sure you did your best." Tom said gratefully as he held his hand out.

"No problem." The doctor smiled appreciatively as he shook his patient's relative's hand. "Now, I need to go and write up her notes but I'll come on to the ward in an hour or so, so that I can explain in detail what is going to happen and when regarding the next stage in her treatment."

"Alright, thanks." Tom nodded as he let the man past and he then looked through the window of the door to see that a bed was heading his way. He pulled open one of the doors and the other was pushed open by a porter as Sam, who was in a hospital gown, laid down on the gurney. "How're you feeling?" He asked as he gave a hand in manoeuvring the bed along the corridor.

"A bit tired but the area is still numb so there's no pain." Sam replied quietly.

"Glad to hear it.

* * *

Once Sam had had a discussion with her oncologist, she and Tom had been left alone for a while to discuss her options because the main drug used in her chemotherapy would be cyclophosphamide and it had the potential to cause infertility. There were a few other possible treatments but they were far less effective.

"It's completely up to you." Tom said softly as he stood next to her hospital bed and held her hand. "But if you want to know what I think, I'd much rather have you as my wife for the rest of my life without any kids, than to watch you get sicker and sicker." He informed her.

"I don't know what to do." Sam admitted. "The chemo could give me leukaemia, brain cancer, bladder cancer, skin cancer, arthritis… but if I don't have it, breast cancer could kill me."

"I think the main thing to consider here is that the drug _could _potentially cause more problems, but your invasive ductal carcinoma is _almost certainly _going to get worse and it's going to grow back."

"You don't think I have a choice." Sam concluded.

"I meant what I said, it is your choice and you're in control of your own treatment. I'll support you no matter what."

* * *

Sam was discharged on the same day of the procedure, a Saturday, but she still had to rest so the following day was spend lounging around in a comfortable pair of leggings and Tom's oversized hoodie. She was curled up on the sofa catching up on Game Of Thrones when Tom came and sat next to her with a bowl of lightly salted popcorn.

"Have you done your arm exercises this afternoon?" Tom queried.

"Yeah, I did them when you were in the shower." Sam nodded.

"And how's the pain?"

"It's only a little bit sore, it's nothing I can't handle." Sam replied quietly. "I've filled this up with all of my appointments." Sam informed her husband as she showed him a black, A5 diary with neat little notes under a few days of each week.

"Oh right, that'll help us to remember them – there's so many I've already forgotten what the oncologist said about the radiotherapy. Want some popcorn?" He offered.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

"Alright… could I have a look at your stitches please?"

"They're healing fine."

"I know. I just want to see what it looks like after the lumpectomy." Tom admitted. "I mean, it's your body and you can have all the time in the world to accept what's–"

"Tom, it's okay." Sam interrupted. "The tumour was tiny compared to what it could've been so there wasn't a huge amount of tissue removed." She explained as she slowly unzipped her husband's hoodie. Given the location of the procedure, she couldn't wear an undergarment and she wanted to see Tom's reaction to her new body so as she pulled her loose vest up to her collarbone, she stared her husband in the eyes and was surprised to see that his pupils dilated – an uncontrollable reaction usually associated with desire.

"You can barely see a difference." Tom whispered as he pulled her top down and then zipped the grey jumper up because he sensed that Sam felt a little uncomfortable. "Give it a couple of days for the redness to go down and the stitches to heal and you'll feel better." He said reassuringly as he put the bowl on the coffee table in front of him and then put his arm around her shoulders. "It's just a battle scar to show how brave you are."

"How brave I am?" Sam protested.

"Yeah. You're an incredible woman and not just because of the lumpectomy but because chemotherapy and radiotherapy that you've chosen to have. You're not just brave, but you're strong too. And you're going to beat this."

"You know that you can't say that for certain." Sam sighed.

"I can. Because I know you. And I know that something silly like cancer isn't going to get in your way."

"The two days a week that I don't work I have to spend in hospital for chemotherapy and that isn't getting in my way?"

"You know what I mean." Tom smirked.

"Right, I think I'm going to go to bed."

"Yeah? I'll join you because I am knackered." Tom declared as he stood up and had a good stretch.

"Can I wear this to bed?" Sam asked as she gestured his hoodie.

"Yeah, of course you can." He smiled. "But just because you've got cancer, doesn't mean that I'm going to be all sympathetic and everything – we're still going to fight over who gets to use the bathroom first."

"I wouldn't want it any other way – but given the fact that I've still got stitches, can we not fight and push each other out of the way tonight?"

"Sure, go on. After you."

"I can't believe you fell for that." Sam scoffed as she walked through to the bathroom.

"Oi!"

* * *

**Coming Up: How will Sam's first chemotherapy session go?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Sam's chemotherapy was to occur on Tuesdays and Sundays – the two days of the week that she and Tom didn't work on – for two weeks, followed by four weeks of recovery and that routine would be repeated three times before she would move on to radiotherapy for 5 weeks. It was the day of Sam's first chemo appointment and she was just drinking a carrot and celery juice, in the kitchen, for some well needed vitamins and nutrients when Tom entered with a cardboard box.

"I know you won't want to seem vain or admit this, but I'm pretty sure you're worried about losing your hair. Am I right?" Tom asked gently.

"Why?" Sam frowned.

"Well, I've done some research and it turns out that using cooling caps during chemo prevents hair loss because the lowered temperature of the scalp reduces blood flow and hence the amount of drugs reaching your hair follicles. So I got you this cooling cap." Tom explained as he took out a blue, hard shelled cap that looked similar to a BMX helmet from the box and bubble wrap. "If you don't want it, I can take it back and–"

"No, tom. It's really thoughtful, thank you. But…"

"But you don't want to wear it." Tom concluded.

"Well yeah I do, it's just… sorry Tom, but it's hideous." Sam couldn't help but smile at his awful fashion sense yet his soft, caring persona as he put the gift back into the box.

"Well, at least it made you smile." Tom smirked. "Right, I'm just going to grab a jacket from upstairs and then we'll go yeah?"

"Mmhmm."

* * *

"Now, your weight, blood pressure, temperature and bloods are all fine so we can proceed with your first chemotherapy session." An oncologist informed Sam as she sat in a comfortable leather chair in the chemo suite where there were 8 relatively private booths separated by curtains. Many of the curtains in the room were open but Tom had closed the one around Sam's for her because he'd seen her eyes fly open in shock when she'd seen several of the other patients who were receiving chemotherapy, some without a single strand of hair, and another vomiting into a bowl held by a nurse. "It might seem like a bit of a long day to start off with, but usually after you've had your blood taken and we're just waiting for the results, you can go for a walk around the hospital grounds or go down to the café. Right, this is the cyclophosphamide, methotrexate and 5-fluorouracil." He announced as he held a bag of translucent red liquid. "It's also got anti-emetics and saline in there." He added as fiddled about with the machine besides Sam's chair which was attached to a drip in her arm. "Now as we've discussed before, even with the anti-emetics you may feel sick, or you could get rather cold. It could also cause diarrhoea, a dry mouth, fatigue etc. And one of the best tips I've got for my patients is to attempt to drink 8 ounces of caffeine free fluids per hour until you go to bed this evening. Chemo drugs are very drying to your body's tissues, and the drug will be going to every cell you have. One other benefit of drinking this much water is that it will help your body to process and flush the chemo drugs out of your system sooner, so you can start to recover sooner too." He explained.

"Right, okay." Sam nodded as she tentatively watched the machine. She watched him connect her IV line and then the red liquid began to trickle into her blood stream – there was no turning back now.

"If you have any questions or you feel unwell, please tell one of our specialist nurses and they will do their best to help you. Otherwise, I'll see you for your next appointment because a nurse will sort you out at the end of this treatment."

"Thank you." Sam said as he walked away and she then looked back down at the drip in her arm. "You can pull the curtain back now."

"You sure? It's your first time and people aren't going to judge you if you just want some privacy." Tom said softly as he rose from his less comfortable seat that was placed adjacent to her.

"It's fine." Sam confirmed and her husband did as she had requested before he sat down next to her again.

"Right, do you want to watch a movie?" Tom suggested as he took her iPad and earphones out of her handbag that was on the floor. "It'll take your mind off of things and pass the time."

"Okay."

* * *

It had been little more than half an hour since Sam and Tom had begun watching the film with one earpiece each when Sam could no longer focus on the screen because she had an overwhelming feeling of nausea plaguing her. She had hoped that she would be lucky and not have many effects from the cocktail of drugs that were attacking her every cell but she was a doctor and she knew there was nothing she could do to make chemotherapy symptomless.

"Tom, I feel sick." Sam muttered as she took out the earphone.

"Sorry?" He queried as he took out his earpiece so that he could hear her.

"Sick." She mumbled.

"Right, um." He quickly looked around the room and was relieved to see the woman in her mid-50s who was also receiving treatment held out a cardboard kidney dish to him. "Thank you." Tom said gratefully as he grabbed it and then held it in front of her. Sam had to do her best to hold her thick hair behind her back whilst she didn't knock the cannula in her arm when she after a full minute of very intense nausea, she vomited into the bowl that her husband held for her. "Are you finished?" Tom asked softly and given that she wasn't feeling well, she merely gave a nod in response. "Right... Oh thanks." Tom smiled as a friendly nurse with a trolley took the bowl, put it in a waste bag and handed Tom a small stack of more dishes. "Is there any way that she can have stronger anti-emetics?" Tom asked.

"Um, I'll have a word with the consultant and see what I can do." She replied.

"Okay, thanks."

"Can you get the spare hoodie out please?" Sam croaked.

"Sure, you cold?"

"Mmhmm." She nodded. Tom got his large zipped hoodie out of his rucksack that he had brought for her and without putting her arms in the sleeves, he wrapped it around her shoulders and brought the two sides together over her chest.

"Do you want some water, or some of that tropical vitamin water you like?" He offered.

"Just water, please."

* * *

"At least you didn't have many immediate side effects apart from the nausea or being cold." Tom stated as he prepared Sam a light salad for her evening meal. "And even then, it stopped an hour after the infusion finished."

"I did um… well it's a bit painful for me to pass water." Sam admitted.

"Why didn't you tell the nurse that?" Tom frowned.

"It's only just started the last couple of times I've been." Sam replied innocently.

"Right, if you give me a urine sample, I'll go to the hospital and check it for a UTI – if you have got an infection we need to fight it fast because your immune system–"

"Tom, stop. It's not a UTI, the pain is only when I go, not before or after. Dysuria is a symptom of the chemo, I'll tell my consultant at my appointment on Tuesday." Sam protested. "And my urine is red too. But it's not blood, it's just the drugs coming out of my system."

"Okay. Just keep drinking plenty of fluids and that should dilute your urine and reduce the amount of pain. Not that you need telling of course." Tom smiled. "Have you thought about telling people at work yet?"

"Nah. Zoe knows, she's the only one who needs to."

"Not even Fletch? You know I'm always going to be here for you but I thought maybe you'd want more than one person for support."

"Fletch doesn't need to know. He's up working on AAU now, Natalie died two weeks ago so he's in full charge of five children – he doesn't need another problem."

"Okay." Tom sighed. "Right, here's your salad." He announced as he placed the plate in front of her at the breakfast bar.

"Thank you." Sam smiled. "You know, you don't have to come with me to every chemo session. I know what happens now and I can go by myself – there's no point in you losing your two days off of work a week to spend in hospital as well as me."

"Sam, I'd usually spend my two days off of work a week with you. And I don't care where it is, as long as it's with you." He said sternly as he sat opposite her. "You saw some of the people in that room with you, sitting by themselves with no one but a nurse that they've never met before to rub their back when they're sick. I am _not_ letting my wife become one of those people. Besides, what else would I do for those two days, hm? Sit and wait until you get home?"

"You could tidy the house, do the washing and ironing…" Sam listed cheekily.

"Yes but I can do that when you're home." Tom stated.

"I'm going to go for a bath after this and then get into bed."

"Yeah? Well I'll run it for you when you've nearly finished your salad."

"Don't put any bubble bath or oil in it, chemo is supposed to dry your skin out so I'll just use some lotion after I get out."

"Alright, I'll help you rub it in." Tom grinned.

"Look, I know this is the longest we've gone without having sex since we got married but–"

"You don't have to justify yourself. It's only been a fortnight and we've both had more important things to focus on." Tom said reassuringly.

"I wasn't going to justify myself, I was just going to ask if we could wait another two weeks until I have the 4 week recovery period between chemo cycles because by then I should be feeling a lot better."

"Yeah sure, that's fine. And you don't have to ask if we can wait," he chuckled, "it's not as if I'd say no and make you do anything."

"I know, I was just being polite." Sam quipped. "Right, go on. Go and run me a bath and I'll be in there in a minute."

"Yes ma'am." Tom mockingly saluted at his wife before he marched out of the kitchen and into the bathroom which caused Sam to smile. Once he had gone, she crept up to the bin and slid almost of her salad into the bin and then covered it with some junk mail that was on the side. She was still feeling rather unwell but she knew that when Tom worried, he went a bit overboard in trying to look after her so she just put the plate in the dishwasher and then went to the bedroom to get a clean towel and some nightwear. But she didn't know just how ill chemo was going to make her…


	6. Chapter 6

It was Sam's fourth chemo appointment and it would be her last one for four weeks so that her body could recover between the cycles. As usual, she had had a blood test in the morning to ensure that she was healthy enough for the cocktail of drugs but Sam frowned when her oncologist returned with a slight look of confusion.

"Right, you have a very low white blood cell count and so your immune system is very weak which is unusual because you've passed your last three tests with flying colours. There's only one thing that could cause such a sudden drop and that, is if you're near the beginning of your menstrual cycle."

"Yeah, I started this morning." Sam admitted feebly.

"Right. Well, if that's the case I think the best thing would be to proceed with the chemo because your white blood cells will be back up within a week or so and it's not a sign that your body isn't coping, it's just natural. You could experience worsened side effects of the chemo because of your weakened immune system however so it's up to you."

"No, I want to go ahead with it. I don't want to change the schedule." Sam protested.

"Okay, well I'll just go and get the drugs then." He nodded before he walked away with the clipboard.

"You started this morning?" Tom whispered with a smile on his lips - a couple of months ago it would've been nothing more than an inconvenience but with the potential infertility caused by her treatment, it was a blessing.

"Yeah." Sam smiled.

"This is great, this could mean you won't be induced into menopause so you won't be infertile."

"It's not for definite." Sam warned.

"No, but it's a good sign." Tom stated as he pecked her on the forehead. "Have you got any cramps?" He asked softly.

"No, I feel fine." She replied honestly.

* * *

Sam was curled up in her chair in the booth with her knees up to her chest and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she read a book on her kindle. She had finally convinced Tom to go downstairs to the café so that he could get himself some lunch and because hot or odorous food wasn't allowed in the chemo suite, he planned on eating downstairs. She had just begun a new page of the book when she sensed someone sat down next to her and she looked up to see none other than Adrian Fletcher sitting in dark blue scrubs where Tom had been sat minutes ago.

"So, how long were you going to keep this a secret then?" He asked.

"How did you find out?" Sam frowned.

"I went to the haematology labs this morning to chase up some bloods for a patient and I saw yours on top of the pile. I saw what ward you were due to be on and there're only two chemo suites so it wasn't hard." Fletch explained. "Where's Tom?"

"He's gone downstairs to get some lunch." Sam sighed as she turned her kindle off – she knew she had no hope of focusing on her reading if her best friend was there.

"And what type of cancer is it? I only saw the bloods, I didn't see why."

"Breast cancer." Sam stated.

"Sam, why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not just you, the only people who know are my care team, Tom and Zoe just in case I need some time off for appointments."

"Right, how're you feeling?"

"Sick." Sam replied bluntly.

"And I presume you're on anti-emetics yeah?"

"Yeah, there's nothing more they can do about it." She confirmed. "I'm sorry to hear about Natalie by the way, it must be hard looking after five children on your own."

"Yeah, we're making it work though. And Evie's being a great help."

"Can you pass me a bottle of water please? There should be one in the bag next to the chair."

"Yeah sure. Wow, you've got a bag filled with things to do, eat and drink." He chuckled as he passed her the beverage.

"Tom brings that along each time even though he knows I never eat anything during the sessions." Sam smiled sadly. "He's being really supportive and I don't know what I'd do without him. He always seems to be able to talk sense into me when I don't know what to do."

"Have you had chemo-brain?" Fletch asked jokily.

"Yeah, it's not too bad. I just keep on forgetting where I've put something." Sam admitted. "I'm just glad my hair isn't falling out. It doesn't seem to be affected." She stated as she ran her long, thick hair – which was tied to one side to keep it manageable– through her fingers.

"And if it does, I'm sure you can convince Tom to go bald with you." Fletch joked.

* * *

"She's not tormenting you, is she?" Tom remarked as he entered the chemo suite with a half empty bottle of coke in his hand.

"You knew he was coming?" Sam queried as she sensed no tone of surprise that Fletch was there when Sam wasn't supposed to have told him about her cancer.

"No, I saw him as I was leaving here to go downstairs." Tom stated as he pulled up a chair from an empty booth and sat in front of his wife. "Have you been sick since I left?" He asked which received a shake of her head. "Good."

"How long have you been having the chemo for?" Fletch queried.

"Two weeks, this is only my 4th session and it's my last one for four weeks before it starts all over again." Sam stated. "How long have I got left?" Sam asked her husband.

"Er, probably about half an hour." Tom replied after glancing at his watch. "How do you fancy going out for dinner tomorrow night after work?" He suggested.

"I'd rather just have a night in." Sam admitted.

"Okay, sure."

"Right, I'd better get back to AAU because I was only on a quick break but we've got to have a catch up soon." Fletch stated as he rose to his feet.

"Yeah, bye." Sam smiled. "What time are takeaways open until on Sundays?" Sam asked.

"Er, I don't know off of the top of my head. Why? I didn't think you'd want to eat much tonight." Tom frowned.

"Well if you don't mind waiting for a late dinner, I kind of fancy a takeaway."

"You _never _fancy a takeaway." Tom laughed. "What kind do you want?"

"Chinese." Sam replied immediately.

"Sorted. We'll order that tonight then." Tom confirmed.

* * *

It was nearing nine o'clock and Sam and Tom were sat on the sofa watching the TV when Sam picked up the Chinese Takeaway menu from the table and began looking through it.

"What do you want?" Sam asked.

"You know I'll eat anything, just pick what you want." Tom smiled as he put his arm around her shoulders.

"Mixed starter for two, and then half a crispy duck and beef and green peppers in black bean sauce?" Sam queried.

"Fine by me." Tom nodded as he took his mobile out from his pocket. "I don't suppose that this Chinese food craving is in any way associated with point of your menstrual cycle that you're currently at, is it?" He smirked.

"Shut up." Sam playfully elbowed her husband before she settled down in his arms again. "One lot of chemo down, three to go." She sighed.

"You're doing well." Tom said reassuringly.

"I'm doing nothing." Sam protested.

"You know what I mean, you're putting up a fight; you're going to be fine."

"Make sure you get prawn crackers."

"Of course." Tom rolled his eyes before he dialled the number to order their evening meal.


	7. Chapter 7

Fletch had just arrived in the ED as he was due to collect a referral to be taken up to AAU however he found Sam standing at the nurses' station, squinting at a file in front of her. She then picked up her pen and looked like she was about to write something when she frowned and put the pen down again.

"Chemo-brain?" Fletch joked.

"Quieten down, no one else knows here." Sam protested.

"Oh, sorry I forgot."

"Sam, are you alright?" Zoe asked as she too had been observing the registrar.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam replied innocently.

"Just take frequent breaks and you'll find it easier to concentrate." She advised.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

* * *

Sam was just approaching the nurses' station with a patient's file when she heard her name mentioned by a group of nurses crowded together. Out of curiosity, she paused and stood behind a pillar to listen to them.

"Oh my god, it would be so cute if she was pregnant!"

"Why do you think that?" Another asked.

"She looks tired, she's taken quite a few days off these last few weeks and she looks like she's already got a little bump." She heard none other than Robyn explain.

Sam frowned as she looked down at her abdomen in her turquoise scrubs. Thanks to the chemotherapy drugs, she knew she had gained a couple of pounds but she didn't think that it was noticeable.

"So you think she's definitely pregnant then?"

"Yeah, she looks awful!" Another stated and that, for Sam, was the last straw.

"Oh for god's sake if you're going to gossip, at least do it quietly. I'm not pregnant, I've got cancer." Sam snapped as she stepped out in front of them and Robyn's eyes flashed open, both at Sam's sudden mood change, and at the announcement. Sam slammed her patient's file down on the desk before she quickly made her way to the staff room to escape the situation, and given that the noise had gained the attention of most the ward, Tom had noticed and he swiftly followed his wife.

"Sam, Sam it's alright." Tom stated as he closed the staff room door behind him but as he turned around, he watched his wife hit the lockers with clenched fists so he stepped up behind her, grabbed her hands and gently restrained her. "It's okay, calm down."

"I shouldn't have even said that – Robyn didn't mean any harm but I just snapped – she said I'd gained weight and she thought I was pregnant but–"

"Sshh, come on, we've only got ten minutes of our shifts left. Let's get going before everyone else comes in and you can get some air outside." Tom said softly and after a couple of minutes, he cautiously released his grip on her. Thankfully, she then took her key out of her pocket and opened her locker so Tom knew it was safe to do the same.

* * *

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" Zoe requested as she stood just outside of her office. "I've been made aware of the incident involving Sam about ten minutes ago and I know that everyone wants to go home but can you just listen to me please for a moment? I've spoken to Tom and he wants me to announce that Sam _has_ got breast cancer, she's receiving treatment for it but she doesn't want any sympathy or for anybody to gossip about her. Sam is sorry that she snapped at you Robyn, but – and this is from my own understanding – she's worried about her chemo affecting her fertility which is why she got touchy about being pregnant. And no, she doesn't want you to apologise to her, she just wants to return to work and for everyone to act normally."

* * *

"What do you want for dinner?" Tom asked as he closed the front door behind him.

"I'm not hungry." Sam muttered.

"Sam, you have to eat." Tom protested.

"I don't _have_ to do anything." She grumbled. "I'm going to bed." She added before she padded off to the bedroom. Tom sighed to himself before he went through to the kitchen and put his rucksack on the side. What on earth was he supposed to do to cheer up his wife?

* * *

It had been little more than an hour when Sam appeared from the bedroom and she found her husband watching TV in the living room. She leant in the doorway and stared at the incredibly supportive man from behind and just thought about what she put him through day in, day out. They rarely had sex, she barely ever kissed him or hugged him back, she didn't eat things that he spent ages cooking for her, she wasn't good company to be around and she was a nightmare to put up with. Why he was still there, she didn't understand.

Tom had been absentmindedly staring at the TV screen when he heard a sniffle behind him and he turned around to see that Sam's eyes were very shiny, and a tear had just rolled down her cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong? Is it pain? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" Tom asked worriedly as he jumped up.

"I'm a horrible wife." Sam sobbed before she put a hand over her mouth and nose.

"Of course you're not, what makes you say that?" Tom asked as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head which was buried in his chest.

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been on the pill for 6 years, I gave myself canc–"

"Don't you dare blame yourself for cancer." Tom said sternly. "You're thinking irrationally, you haven't eaten and–"

"I can't do this anymore Tom. I can't fight." Sam choked. "I've had one round of chemo, I've still got three left and then the radiotherapy and we don't even know if they'll work. Even if they do, the chemo could've given me another type of cancer and I just can't do this anymore."

"What?" He protested.

"I'm too tired but I can't sleep and I end up staying awake all night, I'm too sick to enjoy anything and I'm horrible to everyone around me - Robyn is one of the kindest people I've ever known and I was a bully t her... I'm fed up and I love you, I really do but... I don't know, I'm all over the place."

"Right tomorrow, we're going to go to your oncologist and you're going to tell him exactly what you just told me okay? Because there are things we can do to help you cope." Tom stated whilst he tried to stop himself from tearing up at his wife's misery. "I know it's tough, but you're not a horrible wife. You've just got a horrible disease but it's not your fault, look at me, you didn't give yourself cancer." Tom said sternly.

* * *

"Right, what can I do for you?" Sam's oncologist asked as he sat down behind his desk after letting his patient and her relative into the consult room.

"Go on, tell him what you told me yesterday. "Tom said softly as he held Sam's hand.

"Well I… I just don't see the point in fighting anymore." Sam declared bluntly. "We don't even know if the treatment is going to work and I can't sleep properly, I can't enjoy anything because I've got this thing in the back of my mind telling me I've got cancer and I don't know what to do. The chemo makes me sick, and I just feel like it takes the smallest thing to make me snap – I shouted at the sweetest nurse yesterday but she didn't even do anything wrong." Sam explained before she sunk further into her seat and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Okay, you see this is the difficult part of my job." The doctor began. "I don't have to _make_ you carry on with the treatment, I have to persuade you to make the right decision and I truly think that – though it's tough – continuing with the chemo and then the radiotherapy will be the best option for you. Cancer is tough, and it can break people down to the point of complete and utter despair which is why I'd like you to continue with the chemo in return for me writing you a prescription for some sleeping tablets. It's okay to take them on top of each other and to sleep day after day if that's what you think will get you through this. I can make them part of your pre-meds for the chemo sessions too so you can sleep through those. Is that something that you think would help?"

"Sleeping for days on end?" Sam questioned. "How would that solve anything?"

"It'd make time pass by faster so that your treatment will seem shorter. It'll help with not being able to sleep properly or feeling tired and it will make you feel happier when you are awake as opposed to feeling helpless because you'll be awake for a shorter amount of time. We can try it for a week and if it doesn't help, we can try something else. Do you want to give it a go?"

"Um… I… Okay." Sam nodded eventually.

* * *

After collecting the prescription, Sam and Tom began to head to pharmacy to get the prescription filled and they waited outside of the lift as opposed to climbing three flights of stairs.

"Why don't you go and pick your prescription up, while I go down to the ED and explain to Zoe what's happening eh?" Tom suggested. "Because you'll need more sick leave now if you're going to to take sleeping tablets."

"Okay. Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you say sorry to Robyn for me please?"

"Yeah, of course I can."

* * *

The moment that Sam arrived home, she poured a glass of water in the kitchen and then swallowed one of the light blue, circular tablets from the brown bottle.

"I take it you want to sleep then." Tom concluded sadly.

"I just don't want to think, about anything." Sam sighed.

"Alright. Come and change into something comfortable and then we can lie down in bed together." Tom smiled sadly as he took her hand and led her to the bedroom. She got changed into a pair of tracksuit bottoms, a vest and a cardigan before she slid under the duvet and laid on the mattress. Tom laid behind her and gently stroked her from her roots, down to her ends repeatedly for after around half an hour until she was fast asleep. He couldn't help but think that taking the sleeping pills was something similar to palliative care as though there was nothing more that they could do, because they simply couldn't. He hated the fact that his wife didn't want to be aware of the real world, nor be conscious because it made it seem like even her husband wasn't enough to keep her going. The only saving grace was that she _wanted _to be asleep, and so she was happy where she was.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hello." Tom smiled as he brushed a few strands of hair out of his wife's face after she had just opened her eyes to find her husband sat on the edge of the bed. "You've got your first chemo session of the cycle today." Tom informed her as he knew that her sleeping tablets meant that she didn't have a great sense of time. She had, on occasion, slept for over 24 hours using her medication when she felt truly horrible but her oncologist was right – they were making things better, or more tolerable, for her.

"Is it Tuesday already?" Sam croaked.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Now I've been called in for an extra shift. I'll try to pop up and see how you're doing but–"

"I'm a big girl, I can sit by myself for a few hours. Plus I'll probably just sleep through it anyway." Sam stated as she slowly sat up and then ran her hand through her hair. "Ugh, I don't want to start the chemo again." Sam complained.

"You can sleep. And I'll bring you home after, you can sleep all afternoon and night until tomorrow if you want."

* * *

After finally being able to take a break from his shift, Tom quickly jumped in the lift and headed up to oncology to one of the chemotherapy suites where he hoped he would find his wife relaxing or nibbling on some plain biscuits. Instead, he found her fast asleep, curled up in one of the comfortable chairs with a blanket wrapped around her body. He knew not to disturb her whilst she was peaceful so he just leant in the doorway of the room filled with seven other patients.

"She chose to have some of the sleeping medication added to her drip." A familiar nurse informed the man who she knew to be Sam's husband. "She was asleep within ten minutes of the drip starting though; she probably didn't even need the drug." She smiled sadly. "Would you like a cup of tea Mr Kent?"

"No thanks, I was just checking she's okay and I've got to get back to work in a minute." Tom stated. "Could you do me a favour though?"

"What is it?"

"If she wakes up before I come to pick her up, can you tell her I just came up to tell her that I love her?"

"Yeah sure, I'd be happy to." The nurse smiled.

* * *

Tom was driving his wife home after her chemo session and he knew she wouldn't be feeling well but he frowned when he noticed that she seemed to be applying pressure to her abdomen.

"Are you okay? Do you think you're going to be sick? 'cause I can pull over-"

"No, I've just got a bit of a stomach ache." Sam murmured.

"Are you on your period?" Tom asked.

"No, it's not that kind of ache."

"Well what kind of ache is it?" Tom asked.

"I hope it's not, but I might have an upset stomach." She admitted.

"Oh right. Well your immune system is very low, it's not unlikely. Are you going to be okay if I pop into the supermarket quickly, get your prescriptions and then get you a few bits? i.e. Toilet roll just in case we run out." He joked half-heartedly to which Sam couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, just don't be too long."

"Okay."

* * *

"So much for 'you can sleep all afternoon and night'." Sam grumbled as she exited the bathroom with an arm wrapped around her stomach. It turned out she _did_ have an upset stomach and so she couldn't take her sleeping tablets which wasn't something she wanted to hear on the day that she had had a gruelling chemotherapy session.

"Neither of us knew that this was going to happen." Tom stated. "Do you want me to make up your hot water bottle?"

"No thanks, I feel a bit warm as it is."

"Okay. Come to the kitchen, I'll make you up another rehydration salts drink."

"They taste disgusting."

"They replenish your body after each bout of diarrhoea so you need to keep having them." Tom said sternly as he poured the sachet of powder into a glass of water and then gave it a stir with a teaspoon. "Bottoms up."

* * *

"Right, I need to go for a shower, are you alright if I go now?" Tom asked as he didn't want to block the use of the only bathroom in the flat if his wife felt she would soon need it. "I won't lock the door, just in case."

"It's been a while since the last… well the last time so could you wait a little while?"

"Yeah, sure." Tom smiled.

"You're lucky y'know? With your immune system, you probably won't catch this bug off of me and I can get ill as easy as that." She said as she clicked her fingers together.

"That's a new one: I don't think anyone has ever been jealous of my immune system before." Tom smirked.

"Oooowww, my stomach." Sam groaned as she leant forward on the sofa and hung her head over her knees.

"Is there anything that I can do?" Tom asked as he gently rubbed his hand in circles on her back. "Do you want anything to eat, drink...?"

"I need to go." Sam muttered as she jumped off of the sofa and quickly escaped into the bathroom.

"It's a good job I didn't go for a shower then." Tom concluded to himself. He sat there waiting for a few minutes until Sam came out and leant in the doorway of the living room.

"You can go for a shower now, just don't be too long please. Oh and don't worry, I flushed the toilet twice and bleached it." She stated. The cocktail of drugs that she was on had to leave her body somehow and the only way was through her waste products. But because the drugs were toxic, she had to ensure that the bathroom that she used was thoroughly cleaned to prevent Tom from coming into contact from even a drop of the harmful chemicals whether she had an upset stomach or not.

"You didn't have to, I can do that." Tom smiled sympathetically as he stood up and then kissed her on the forehead.

"I have to, you shouldn't have any contact with the chemo drugs and _I _already have so _I _should clean the bathroom."

"Okay. Right, I'll be as quick as I can in the shower and like I said, I won't lock the door just in case you do need to come in."

"Thank you."

"Go on, sit down and watch some TV and once I'm out we can lie down together."


	9. Chapter 9

"Good morning." Sam's consultant smiled as Sam and Tom arrived at the nurses' station on oncology for her last chemo appointment of the second cycle.

"Morning. Um, I don't want the sleeping tablets as part of my pre-meds today if that's alright."

"Yes, of course that's fantastic." The doctor declared. "Are you feeling more positive then?"

"Kind of, I've just had enough rest in the last couple of days so I don't need to sleep." Sam stated. Additionally, it was because she wanted to spend some proper time with Tom but she felt no need to tell her consultant that.

"Alright. Well I shall inform your nurse and that will be sorted."

* * *

"Can you go and ask one of the nurses if we can go down to the peace garden please?" Sam requested her husband.

"What? Now?" He frowned as her cocktail of drugs had only just begun feeding into her blood stream via an IV drip.

"Yeah, I fancy getting some air for once." Sam stated. "Plus it'll give us some privacy rather than being in a room filled with other sick people." She said quietly.

"Alright, well I'll go and ask a nurse but I'm not promising anything." Tom stated as he rose to his feet and headed for the nurses' station. He knew that patients on chemo were allowed to walk around the ward or go to the toilet with their drip if they were supervised by a nurse, but he hadn't seen anyone leave the ward before. "Excuse me, I was wondering if my wife and I could go for a walk downstairs, maybe to the peace garden."

"It's Tom and Sam Kent isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Let me just have a look at her records." The nurse said as she clicked a couple of times on the computer in front of her before she frowned. "Sam's infusion has just begun, you know that?"

"Yeah. I just thought going for a walk would help keep her mind off of things. Please? Look Sam and I are both doctors and I'll know if something goes wrong – not that anything will though because she's fine."

"Well it's not exactly orthodox and she'd have to go down in a wheelchair with the IV stand on it so that there is a minimal risk of any accidents."

"That would be fine." Tom nodded.

"Alright, I'll organise a wheelchair to be brought up for her."

"Thank you." Tom said gratefully before he walked back to the chemo suite and sat in front of his wife. "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is, you _are _allowed to go to the peace garden, and the bad news is that I have to push you in a wheelchair so that there aren't any accidents with your drip." He explained.

* * *

"Did you have to bring the rucksack?" Sam questioned as she sat, in her wheelchair facing her husband who had just sat down on the edge of a picnic bench. Sam was in her own clothes, but she had a blue hospital blanket over her lap to keep her warm enough.

"Yeah, I've got sick bowls, a drink and my phone so that we don't lose track of time and spend too long down here." Tom stated. "Why didn't you tell me this morning that you weren't going to take the sleeping pills with your chemo?" Tom asked curiously as it had merely been a surprise for him when Sam checked in.

"Because it was a spur of the moment thing." Sam shrugged. "I'd thought about it last night but I wanted to decide when I got to the hospital to see how I felt." She added. The pair sat in silence for a while but when Tom turned to his wife to ask her something, he found her intently looking onto the patch of grass not far from them where a couple of young children were playing in a playhouse under the supervision of their parents.

"I can see the cogs turning in your head." Tom stated. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"What if I am infertile after this? I mean I don't even know if I want kids or not yet but just the thought of not being able to have them is weird..."

"Then we can look at adoption, IVF, artificial insemination, surrogacy. Or we could just grow old together; before I wanted kids but your illness has made me realise that I'm not fussed about having kids as long as I have you." Tom stated. "Anyway, you'll be fine. You've been having periods, albeit they're irregular but the main cause for concern would be if they stopped and you were induced into menopause and that doesn't seem to have happened."

"But just say that I am infertile…"

"Then we'll face that obstacle when we get there." Tom said reassuringly. "Anyway. How about, tonight, me and you do some cooking together? Try and make something eh? If you get involved in it, it might make you more likely to eat. We could make anything you want because I know you gained weight in the first place but now you're losing it and I'm worried; the chemo won't work as well as it could do if you don't eat the right things."

"I'd rather just order a takeaway." Sam smirked.

"Yeah, but you know as well as I do that you need to be getting the proper nutrition, vitamins etc for your chemo to work properly. We can make our own takeaway at home from scratch after you've had a nap."

"Okay." She nodded. "Can we stop by the toilets when we go back in?"

"Yeah sure, do you want to go in now?"

"No, I want to stay out here a bit longer. It can get a bit claustrophobic in a room with loads of other people who are ill – it's a constant reminder that I'm ill whereas out here, I kind of blend in."

"Even if you are sat in a wheelchair with a drip going into your arm." Tom grinned.

* * *

"Well, do you want to try it first or should I?" Tom asked as he and Sam stood in the kitchen each with a plate containing their first attempt at making a chicken curry from scratch with yogurt instead of cream to make it healthier, along with some spice infused rice and a shop-bought naan bread.

"Well, it smells alright." Sam shrugged before she took a bite from a piece of chicken and then reluctantly chewed it. "It's actually alright."

"Mm, see we _can_ cook."

"I never said _I_ couldn't, I was just worried about the influence that you had over it." Sam quipped.


	10. Chapter 10

"I can't believe that this is your final chemo session." Tom smiled as he sat in front of his wife who was completing a crossword in the daily newspaper.

"I can, it seems like it's been forever and I've still only got 2 weeks and then the radiotherapy begins." Sam huffed. "But I do think that the radiotherapy will be easier to deal with than the chemo. Plus, although it is for 5 weeks and 5 days a week, it's in the mornings and I'll be finished in time for my shifts at work so it takes up less time."

"Have you thought about us maybe going on a holiday after your last radiotherapy appointment?" Tom asked curiously.

"No." Sam frowned. "I won't know if the treatment has worked by then so I couldn't relax and plus I'd still be recovering from the radiotherapy."

"Alright, it was just a suggestion."

"If the treatment has worked and I go into remission, then yes we will go on holiday to celebrate but I need to know whether the 6 months' worth of treatment that I'm putting myself through has been worth it."

"Okay."

* * *

"Ugh, I hope I never have to have chemo ever again." Sam declared as she and Tom walked out of the hospital after her final treatment of the chemotherapy.

"Trust me, the feeling is mutual." Tom smirked.

"I wouldn't even wish that on my worst enemy."

"Who is your worst enemy?" Tom asked confusedly.

"Probably myself." Sam stated which made Tom laugh. "Sorry I was a bit snappy when you said about going on holiday."

"No, it's alright. You were right, you wouldn't be able to relax so we should hold off for a while." Tom replied as he unlocked the car after they arrived in the hospital car park.

"Can um, can we wait a while please? I still feel pretty sick and I don't want to get into the car yet." Sam admitted.

"Yeah sure, that's fine." Tom nodded. "Do you want to go for a walk in the peace garden?"

"I need a bowl." Sam whispered as she placed the back of her hand against her mouth and she backed away from the car.

"It's alright, just come over here to the trees." Tom said softly as he put an arm around her shoulders and led her to the edge of the carpark. Once she was stood by a tree, he gently placed a hand on her back and rubbed his thumb up and down for a couple of minutes until she stepped back again. "You alright?"

"Yeah, sorry it's gone." She frowned.

"It's alright, that's a good thing." Tom smiled reassuringly. "Are you okay to get in the car now or do you want to wait a little bit longer?"

"No, I think I'm alright."

* * *

Tom was sat on the edge of the double bed where his wife was laid, as she took one of the small circular blue sleeping tablets with a sip of water and then she put the lid back on the brown bottle. As usual, she wanted to sleep after the chemo session so Tom was just making sure that she got to sleep alright.

"I want you to take these, and hide them somewhere where I won't find them." Sam ordered quietly as she placed the bottle in his hand.

"What?" He frowned.

"The radiotherapy is going to be sore and it's going to be tough but I've read loads of stories and everyone has said it's a breeze compared to chemo. Radiotherapy to the chest very rarely causes nausea so I'm not worried about that, and the nausea is what made chemo so debilitating. I don't want to take these anymore because I don't think I'm going to need them but I want you to keep them for me just in case. I just don't want to be tempted by them if they're easily accessible." Sam explained.

"Okay. I'll take care of it." Tom smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to gently ease them off over a period of time? Because you've been taking them for a while and you might find after a couple of days that you've created a dependence for them."

"No, I just want them out of my life, full stop." Sam stated.

"Alright. Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"I think I can manage thanks." Sam smiled as she closed her eyes and pulled the duvet up to her chin.

"Night." Tom whispered as he bent down and kissed her on the forehead before he crept out of the room and into the bathroom. He opened the bathroom cabinet and looked on the top shelf where he had his toiletries because there were only two shelves and Sam couldn't reach the top one. That was why he knew it would be perfect to put the sleeping tablets on, right at the back behind his shaving gel because she'd never be able to see it.

* * *

Tom was catching up on the latest football match when he heard some light footsteps. He turned around to see his wife pad into the room and she sat down on the sofa next to him.

"Did you sleep alright?"

"Yep. I slept like someone on sleeping tablets." Sam quipped. "If I do get the all clear after the chemo and radiotherapy," Sam began, "I want to do something to raise money for the oncology unit for Holby. They all work so hard – the nurses even give up their breaks sometimes to sit with the patients and keep them company and the deserve recognition."

"That sounds like a nice idea." Tom smiled. "I'll help you, whatever you do."

"Even if I told you I was thinking of running the London marathon for them?" Sam grinned.

"Even if you told me you were thinking of running the London marathon." Tom confirmed. "You'd have to train for it, so you could train me up too. I'd do anything to help the people who have looked after you so well."

"That's exactly how I feel about you – you'd been like a rock these last few months and I don't know what I'd have done without you." Sam said gratefully.

"When I said 'in sickness and in health', I meant it." Tom smiled as he put an arm around her shoulders. "I was reading up some stories about radiotherapy and one couple where the woman had a similar breast cancer to you said that something that kept them intimate during the radiotherapy was that the husband rubbed moisturiser into her chest after each session so that he could see how his wife's skin changed throughout the treatment rather than it being one big shock at the end. And it helped them to be more intimate and open with each other."

"Is that something you'd want to do?" Sam asked curiously.

"Well it's up to you completely, I just thought maybe it'd be something nice for us to do and it might stop your skin from getting too dry."

"You do realise that at the end of the five weeks, my chest is going to look like it belongs to a 60 year old woman, right?"

"Sam, it doesn't matter. I've told you before, I'm not with you for what you look like, I married you because I love you for who you are."

"Okay… we can do that when I start radiotherapy. But it'll have to be in the evenings after work."

"That is perfectly fine by me." Tom smiled. "Now, what do you want for dinner?"

"Um… chicken and mushroom pasta bake?"

"Sounds good to me. Do you fancy helping me make it?" Tom asked as he rose to his feet.

"Like I'd leave you in charge of dinner and plan on actually eating it." Sam scoffed as she followed him into the kitchen.


	11. Chapter 11

It was the morning of Sam's first radiotherapy appointment which were taking place every weekday before her shift at work, and so by 7:30am, she was sat in the consult room with a hospital gown on and she had just had lines and marks made on her left breast by a black felt-tip marker so that the radiologist knew where to aim the radiation.

"They look ridiculous." Tom smirked as he peaked under her gown by pulling back one of the sides. "And you smell because you haven't got any deodorant on." Tom joked.

"It's not my fault I'm not allowed to wear it for the treatment."

"I know." Tom chuckled. He then let go of her gown so that Sam could tie it back up and she had done it just in time when a porter arrived at the door with a wheelchair.

"Really? They don't think that I can walk down a corridor?" Sam moaned.

"I'm just doing my job, I'm afraid." The porter stated.

"I'll see you in a little while." Tom smiled. "And don't go doing a runner." He joked playfully as she was wheeled away.

* * *

It had been little more than twenty minutes when Sam returned to the room where Tom was sat with her bag and clothes, and her consultant had been the one to wheel her back this time.

"Right, there weren't any problems so I'll see you same time tomorrow."

"Okay." Sam nodded.

"Oh and there're some wipes there on my desk if you want to get the pen off of your skin." He added before he disappeared so that she could get changed.

"How was it?" Tom asked curiously as he stood up and grabbed the tub of wipes.

"Alright I suppose. I might wear earplugs next time because it's pretty noisy when the machine is on though. In fact, if I get a big box of ear plugs then I can wear them at night when your snoring is too loud." She quipped as she sat on the consult bed. Tom then opened Sam's gown to reveal that the whole side of her left chest was bright red.

"Is it sore?" He asked as he softly wiped the pen off with the wipes for her.

"It feels a bit tingly and warm but it's not particularly painful yet." Sam stated. "I suppose it'll probably get worse once I've had more than one session."

"Well I'll try the moisturiser thing tonight and see how it is then."

"How're we doing for time?" Sam asked curiously.

"Fine, you've just got to get dressed and then we'll be on time for work."

* * *

"Sam, are you alright?" Zoe asked as she noticed some rather sore looking skin around the neck of Sam's scrub shirt.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You've got some sort of rash." Zoe stated delicately and Sam looked down to see that her skin looked rather sunburnt– she made a mental note that she needed to get some new base layers to go under her scrubs that would cover that area because very little was known about Sam's health at work and that was how she wanted it to stay.

"I started radiotherapy this morning, don't you remember we told you in case we were late?"

"Yeah but… isn't it sore? Do you not want to take some time off?"

"I'm fine Zoe, just leave it. Please?"

"Okay but if you want to take an extra break or the rest of the day off then do so okay?"

* * *

By evening, the redness had gone down by a considerable amount but as expected, the skin was becoming dry. So, Sam was laid in bed in just a pair of tight black shorts whilst Tom sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed an ultrasensitive, unscented, baby skin moisturiser into her chest. She had her eyes closed whilst Tom did it and both were enjoying the activity because it was going to keep them intimate over the next 5 weeks of radiotherapy.

"Right, you're all done." Tom said softly as he put the lid back on the tub of cream. "Hey, don't bother with that, or a shirt. Just sleep in your shorts, that's what I always do." Tom stated as Sam picked her bra up from the mattress next to her.

"I feel naked without wearing a bra though."

"Well you've slept naked before, what's the harm in doing it again?" Tom grinned.

"Okay, thanks."

"If your skin gets too sore, tell me and I can rub some more moisturiser in for you."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"My wife is topless – of course I am." Tom laughed. "Plus you're in a much better mood than you were when you were on chemo."

"I feel better than when I was on the chemo." Sam confirmed. "I mean, I know the skin is going to get sorer but I can deal with that – it was just the nausea with the chemo that was so debilitating. And the fact that I had to spend hours cooped up in a room with other sick people – at least with the radiotherapy, it's just you that's in the room at the time."


	12. Chapter 12

By the third week of Sam's radiotherapy, the skin on her chest had become terribly sore so she had taken Friday off of work because she couldn't bear to wear a bra or even her scrubs which were made from an awfully cheap material and were harsh on her delicate, sensitive skin. She still had another two weeks of the treatment to go but she was managing it by spending the morning lying in a bath of cool water to soothe her skin. She had her eyes closed and was listening to some music when the song was paused and her phone began ringing. She dried her hand on the towel hanging on the radiator before she slid her finger across the screen of her iPhone.

"Not checking up on me are you?" Sam queried.

"_Of course not_." Her husband replied. "_I was just wondering how you're feeling? As much as I wanted you to take the day off to get some rest, I hate knowing that you're alone." _Tom admitted.

"Nothing's going to happen to me, I'm fine." Sam protested.

"_I'm not worried about you, I'm just worried that you'll try cooking something and set the flat on fire_." Tom quipped.

"Haha, very funny."

"_Really though, how's your chest_?"

"Still sore but it's settled down since I got in the bath." She replied.

"_Good. And how're you feeling in general? You tired at all_?"

"No, I'm alright."

"_Okay. Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you soon sweetheart_."

"Bye." Sam smiled as she ended the call but she then noticed the time and realised that she had been in the water for almost an hour. She pulled the plug out of the drain, stood up and wiped the excess water off of her body before she stepped out and wrapped a fluffy towel around her frame. She grimaced as the fibrous material brushed against her sore chest so she opened the bathroom cabinet to grab her moisturiser out only she remembered that she had used the last of it up the night before.

She went on her tiptoes to reach up onto Tom's shelf because using his moisturiser would be better than nothing even if it did have a masculine scent. Since she couldn't see the top shelf properly, she simply grabbed what she could reach but she frowned when she realised that she had grabbed a brown bottle containing the sleeping tablets that she had requested Tom to hide from her.

Sam remembered the time when she used to take them pill after pill so that she could sleep through the very tough, very long period of her chemotherapy treatment. Despite the sore and painful skin she endured with radiotherapy, she wouldn't go back to chemotherapy in a million years and it was then that she realised how much better she was feeling compared to then. She took the cap off of the top, and glanced at the pale blue tablets in the brown bottle before she took a few steps and approached the toilet. She tipped the bottle over and poured the pills away into the water and then she flushed the toilet to get rid of the medication once and for all.

* * *

Tom had was cleaning up around the apartment and he was going to empty the bin in the bathroom into a black bin bag only when he opened the small metal bin, he found an empty brown bottle on top of an empty toothpaste tube.

"Sam, what's happened to these?" Tom asked confusedly as he picked the bottle up and walked through to the living room where his wife was reading a book.

"Oh, I found them by accident in the cabinet because I was going to use some of your moisturiser but I decided that I just didn't want them lying about the place because I don't want to be in a situation where I feel the only thing I can do is sleep so I flushed them down the loo." Sam explained. "Things are getting better and I can cope with a bit of dry skin." She forced a smile as she sat in a very loose fitting top and a pair of shorts. "You didn't think I'd overdosed on them did you?" She frowned.

"No I just… well I don't know what I thought to be honest." Tom admitted.

"Are you going to go shopping tonight?" Sam asked to change the subject.

"Probably yeah, I need to get something for dinner tonight and for our lunches tomorrow. Why?"

"Could you get me some more aloe vera moisturiser please?"

"Yeah, sure. Is there anything else you want? Or anything in particular that you fancy for dinner?"

"I could eat carrot and coriander soup that we had a couple of weeks ago if you want to help me make it."

"Alright, you write down the ingredients that we need and I'll just go and get my coat."

* * *

"You know I'm more than happy for you to be topless if it's more comfortable for you." Tom declared as he wrapped his arms around his wife's abdomen from behind as she stirred the orange concoction that was on the hob, simmering away.

"I think we both know that that's what would be more comfortable for _you_." Sam replied with a smiled whilst Tom rested his chin on her shoulder. "Did anyone say anything about me not being at work today?"

"Robyn asked if you were alright and Zoe wanted to ask me if you wanted any more time off." He informed her. "I told Robyn that you're doing alright and that you just need a bit of a break, and I told Zoe that she has to speak to you because I can't make that decision for you, although I did tell her that I think you didn't want any more than one day off." He explained. "Did I get it right?"

"Near enough." Sam shrugged. "I think that I'm going to have another bath after dinner. They really help with my skin if it's cool water."

"Alright, I'll run it for you when you're ready." Tom smiled. "And afterwards, I'll gently rub some moisturiser in for you."

"I love you, you know that right? And I don't know what I would've done without you these past few months–"

"You needn't even imagine that because there's no way on earth that I would've let you fight this battle on your own because I love you and I know that you love me. You don't have to thank me for being there for you because every time I see you smile, I have to smile – it's infectious because I want you to be happy and seeing your smile is thanks enough."

"So you wouldn't like me to thank you later on tonight then?" Sam queried as she rested her head against his on her shoulder and closed her eyes at the contact.

"Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Yeah, I want to." Sam confirmed. "Just take it easy on the chest front and I'll be fine."

"Okay. Let's get this soup down us quickly then." He grinned as he released her from his arms and grabbed two bowls from the cupboard.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been a long, tough journey but after months of radio and chemotherapy, Sam was finally attending her follow up appointment after she had had a breast ultrasound and a chest MRI, to find out whether the treatment and suffering had been worth it.

"I'm afraid I don't bring good news." Sam's consultant began as he sat down behind his desk after letting the couple into his consult room.

"Why? Did the remains of the tumour grow back?" Sam demanded.

"Not necessarily, it appears that there is a new cluster of tumours deeper in the breast tissue on your left breast, the affected one, but the MRI has shown that there is an abnormal mass in your right breast too."

"So I've got cancer in both breasts?"

"It's not for definite but it seems that way, yes I'm afraid so. Now I'd like to take a needle biopsy of the new tumours and I'll rush them straight through the labs because you are a priority case. But given that the masses are solid, and they have uneven, jagged edges it does suggest that they are cancerous."

* * *

After the appointment, Tom's feelings couldn't be put into words as he had hoped that they would come out with the all clear. He knew he had to bury his feelings because his wife was the one who needed consoling however, it turned out that after he had taken her eyes of her for a few moments she had disappeared from view. He knew she probably just needed some time to accept the news, but he didn't like the idea of her being alone when she was so vulnerable and weak so he set about trying to find her in the vast hospital.

He first travelled along the corridor to the lift, and went down to the ED but she was nowhere to be found – not in the staffroom, café, cubicles or resus. He walked outside to the entrance to the ED where an ambulance was being unloaded to check that she wasn't on any of the benches when something caught his eye. He looked up and realised that Sam was stood on the hospital roof, leaning on the railings presumably thinking about her future. So he jogged back in and headed for the staircase whilst his brain was conjuring all sorts of things that he could say to her.

* * *

"Needed some air?" Tom enquired as he leant on the railings next to her.

"I've decided Tom, I can't have all that treatment. Not again–"

"What? So you're just gonna give up?" Tom asked worriedly.

"No, of course not. Just let me finish..." Sam ordered and she took a deep breath before she explained. "I think I want to have a double mastectomy."

"Really?"

"Please Tom. Just support my decision. I've thought about a mastectomy for my left one if the chemo and radiotherapy didn't kill it all off but now... I don't have a choice, chemo and radiotherapy aren't likely to be effective the second time round if they weren't successful the first time."

"Of course I support your decision as long as it's definitely what you want to do." Tom said reassuringly as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, we should go and tell your consultant about this?" He suggested.

"Can't we just leave it for today? Go home, forget this happened and then go tomorrow?"

"What difference would that make?" Tom asked confusedly.

"It's just too much for one day already. I need time to think things through. _Please_ just take me home." Sam pleaded.

"Yeah, okay. Sure." He nodded.

* * *

By evening, Sam was curled up in the arm chair with her iPad researching the procedure that she hoped to undergo and the recovery period whilst Tom was watching TV from the sofa. He was about to inform her that her favourite programme had just come on but as Tom looked up, he watched a tear glide down her cheek.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I've had months and months of suffering, all to be told it hasn't had any effect Tom. Do you expect me to be ecstatic or something?" Sam snapped shakily as she put the iPad aside and then wiped the tear away with her sleeve.

"No, of course I don't but– Sam?" Tom protested as she got up and grabbed her trainers from near the door. "Sam where are you going?"

"I need some space."

"No no no no no you're not going anywhere in this state." Tom stated firmly.

"You can't stop me; you're not in charge of me–"

"Sam just stop a minutes and think. Where are you gonna go hm? You think running away is going to help?"

"I'm not running away." Sam protested weakly.

"Oh Sam." Tom whispered as the tears in her eyes had over spilled and rolled down her cheeks before they dripped down onto her top. "I'm sorry for shouting." Tom apologised as he wrapped his arms around her and thankfully, she didn't protest and dropped her trainers on the carpet again. "But you know I hate it when you're by yourself, least of all when you're in a state."

"I don't want to die Tom." Sam sobbed.

"You're not going to, you soppy cow."

"How can you possibly say that for certain? I've got cancer in both of my breasts and on my lymph nodes."

"Yes but a double mastectomy will mean that your affected lymph nodes will be removed too." Tom stated. "The cancer will be cut out of you and without any breast tissue, the cancer has only a tiny _tiny_ percentage of coming back; you'll be fine and you're making a very brave decision so I'm so proud of you." He explained. "Come on, shall we go and get into bed?"

"Why?"

"Because you're always really emotional when you're tired." Tom smiled as he used his thumbs to wipe away her tears.

"Just like _you're_ really emotional when you're hungry." Sam smiled.

"Come on, let's go and cuddle up, forget about everything and face the world tomorrow."


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, Sam had an appointment with her consultant first thing in the morning so that they could get it over and done. She'd been given her results over the phone the previous evening after she'd convinced her consultant that they could discuss the results in more detail in the morning and the newfound tumours were in fact cancerous as well. She had just been let into the room and had sat down beside her husband whilst the oncologist got her file up on his computer and had a look at her recent scans.

"Okay, now the purpose of today's meeting is for us to discuss your options Sam. We could–"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I've already made my decision." Sam admitted.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I'd like to opt for a double mastectomy." She stated. "You know as well as I do that chemo and radio therapy isn't likely to work on the new tumours given the fact that it didn't work last time, and it'll just make me sicker again. A double mastectomy is my best option isn't it?"

"Well, it's obviously a personal decision. It can be followed by emotional distress and there is an unfortunate truth in that, because you'd be _choosing _to have the double mastectomy, the costs of the operation wouldn't be covered by the NHS I'm afraid and you'd have to go private."

"What? So they'd rather spend thousands of pounds on drugs for chemo when they won't even work?" Sam protested. "That makes no sense! The operation is so much cheaper."

"I know it doesn't make any sense, but as a doctor you know the NHS isn't negotiable – that's the rules."

"It's fine, we can afford it." Tom stated as he gave Sam's hand a squeeze.

"And the cost of implants, should you choose to have them, or breast reconstructions would also be down to you."

"If that's what Sam wants then we'll manage but I think she needs some more time to think on that." Tom stated as he had gathered from her uncomfortable facial expression that had arisen from the conversation that she hadn't put an awful lot of thought into the aftermath of the operation – she just wanted the dangerous tumours out of her body.

"Well, it's something you'll need to decide before the operation because if you want implants in the future, we'd be better off leaving Sam's skin intact rather than removing excess skin, and we could fill the chest cavities with what're basically bags of saline to maintain the shape of her skin."

"Okay, we'll think about it." Tom stated. "So what happens now then?"

"Well, I can give you the details of a local private clinic which specialise in cosmetic surgery for those who have had parts of their body removed because of burns, cancers or injuries and you'll have to contact them and make an appointment. Once you do, give them my name so that I can send over all of your notes, scans and history and it'll go from there. Now however in the meantime, I'd like to put you on tamoxifen. It's a hormone therapy and it will hopefully either slow, or halt the growth of the tumours to prevent any further developments. You need to take one tablet, once a day with a glass of water and take it at the same time each day. It may make you feel a little bit nauseous so taking it with a meal could help to prevent that. It can cause a couple of side effects: hot flushes, nausea and indigestion and weight gain. It can also affect your periods because you are essentially changing the hormonal balance in your body and for that reason you'll need to use a form of non-hormonal contraception since it's not safe for you to become pregnant whilst on this medication." He explained.

"Can it affect fertility?" Sam asked.

"No. Whilst on the medication, you shouldn't try for a baby because it can cause certain birth defects however it's safe to have a baby a couple of months after stopping the medication and there's no known effect on fertility." He explained.

* * *

A lot of people in the ED knew that the day before, Sam had an appointment to find out whether her treatment had worked or not and a lot of people had gathered in the staffroom at the beginning of their shift in order to hear what would hopefully be good news but their faces fell when Tom entered the staffroom first and he was holding his wife's hand.

"Oh here we go. Is this the bit when you trick us into thinking it's bad news when actually you got the all clear?" Fletch, who was down in the ED on a referral, joked.

"Fletch don't." Tom warned quietly as he knew the man meant no harm. "You wanna explain?" He questioned Sam as she stood a step behind him with her eyes down on the floor.

"No, you do it." She muttered.

"Okay um, it's not good news. Sam's cancer has spread and the chemo and radiotherapy haven't been much help." Tom began. "But my beautiful, strong wife has made the incredibly brave decision to have a double mastectomy rather than go through chemo and radiotherapy again and again." He stated.

"Are you going to have reconstruction?" Fletch asked solemnly.

"I think she needs some more time to think things through." Tom replied.

"Right come on you lot, get on with your work." Zoe ordered to clear the staffroom. "Sam, I'm so sorry. Just let me know when the operation is and I'll book you and Tom off for however long you need."

"Thanks." Sam replied as she forced a smile to the woman who was had been very lenient and understanding with her time off of work – she could give less than an hour's notice on the morning of her shift that she wasn't feeling up to coming in and Zoe would get a locum in whether the board liked it or not.

"Are you sure you want to work today? Because I'm sure I can get cover in if you're not up to it."

"No, I've been thinking about this all night and all morning. I just need a distraction." Sam stated.

"Alright, well I'd better get on." Zoe stated before she excited the room and left Tom and Sam alone.

"Can we get a takeaway tonight?" Sam asked as she walked over to her locker.

"Yeah sure, if that's what you want." Tom nodded. "What do you fancy?"

"Mixed starter for two and the set meal D from the Imperial palace?"

"Chinese it is then." Tom concluded. "What do you want to do for your birthday at the weekend?"

"I'm happy with a night in and a good film. I don't want to do anything special."

"Okay. Come on, get your scrubs on. First one in cubicles gets the extra spring roll."


	15. Chapter 15

"Honestly Tom, I told you not to bother." Sam sighed as she entered the open plan living room and kitchen where there was a birthday cake, balloons, a banner and a small mound of presents on the kitchen island, but she couldn't help but smile at the effort he had made.

"Well, 29's only a minor birthday. You wait until next year for the big three-zero and I'll through you the biggest party ever." Tom grinned as he handed her a mug of freshly brewed coffee. "Happy birthday." He smiled as he kissed her on the cheek and then sat her down on one of the stools.

"Thank you."

"Listen, I know you're still a little unsure about your options after the double mastectomy, but I just want to let you know that I'm more than happy to pay for you to have silicone implants and look after you through the recovery period."

"I'm just not sure about whether I want to have implants or reconstructive surgery at all." Sam admitted. "I want to look normal but I'm not sure if I think that having implants is vain and selfish – it's effectively cosmetic surgery."

"Alright look at it from this point of view: you've got a young female patient with third degree burns to her face and neck and she could have a skin graft and reconstruction surgery to rebuild her face. What would you tell her?"

"That having the skin graft is her best option of having a normal life again." Sam murmured.

"See? It's not vain at all, I promise you." Tom smiled as he snaked his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Now come on, I want to see your face when you open your presents."

* * *

After opening her presents from her husband and taking her tamoxifen tablet, Sam sat down on the sofa with her iPhone in her hand whilst Tom was in the shower. She picked up the business card that her consultant had given her for the private clinic and hesitated a couple of times before she finally typed in the number and gave it a call.

_"Hello. Silver Birch Clinic, this is Eloise speaking, how can I help_?"

"Er, hi my name is Sam Kent, and I'd like to book an appointment with Dr Passmore please… Yeah, he's performing my double mastectomy but I'd like another consultation before my operation to discuss having implants…"

* * *

"You alright?" Tom asked after his wife had collapsed into the armchair and let out a long sigh. For her birthday, they were watching a film together in the evening and he had paused it for her whilst she went to the bathroom.

"I'm fine." She replied briefly. Tom left it at that, but whilst he twisted his head back to face the television screen, he watched her out of the corner of his eye. He watched her narrow her eyes as though she was thinking about something, before her frown turned upside down and she smiled to herself. She then looked back up but she noticed that Tom had his eyes on her. "What?" She asked innocently.

"What just happened?" Tom frowned.

"It's nothing." Sam shrugged but she knew by the look on her husband's face that he wasn't going to let it go. "I um… I've just started my period." She admitted.

"And that's something to smile about?" He smirked.

"I haven't had one for nearly two months and I was worried that the chemo had induced menopause… It's just a relief." She confessed.

"Oh. Well if you were worried, you should've told me. But anyway, what a nice birthday present from mother nature." He joked.

"Haha, funny." Sam said sarcastically.

"Do you want me to make up your hot water bottle?"

"No, I'm alright thanks."

"Well your final birthday present for tonight is going to have to be postponed." He concluded cheekily.

"You make it sound like it's _my_ fault." Sam squinted her eyes at him.

"Of course it is. I had everything planned to the second." Tom teased playfully.

"Y'know when I have the double mastectomy next week, I don't mind if you want to go home at night and stay here. There will probably be a sofa in my room because it's private but it won't be very comfortable."

"Like I'd trust you in a room by yourself overnight." Tom grinned. "I couldn't leave you. Even if I did come back here, I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink knowing that you're by yourself."

"I know it might hurt your feelings but I want you to be supportive if I don't want you in the room the first time I see the results of the surgery. And that's the same for the implant and nipple reconstruction surgery. I want to see what's changed first."

"Of course I'll support you – it's your body and if you want some privacy then it's completely understandable. Just remember that whatever happens, I don't care what it looks like. I married you because I love who you are, not what you look like."

"Thanks, I needed to hear that."

* * *

"Right, is there anything else you might need?" Tom asked as he sat on the edge of their double bed with a small suitcase opened on the bed as they packed Sam's things for her double mastectomy the next day. She was having the operation and they would fill her chest cavities with saline bags to allow her to recover from the removal of her breast tissue and lymph nodes. Then once she'd recovered, they were going to replace the saline bags with silicone implants that were more permanent and wouldn't need replacing for 10-20 years.

"I don't think so – that's everything." She replied as she closed the lid and zipped the case closed.

"Are you nervous?" Tom asked curiously.

"Kind of. I just want it to be over and done with." She shrugged. "I'd rather the mastectomy, implants and nipple reconstruction could be done all in one operation rather than in two so I have to go back and be admitted again."

"I don't because then I'd have to wait like 12 hours for you to come out of theatre." Tom scoffed. "Just think, in a couple of weeks this could all be over and you could be healthy again and get the all clear."

"Fingers crossed."

"Right, are you ready to hit the sack? You need to get some rest for tomorrow."


	16. Chapter 16

As it was a small private hospital, Tom was allowed to be with Sam in the anaesthetics room with her as they prepared for her double mastectomy. She was in a hospital gown and cap, and for sanitary reasons Tom had to wear a cap and a theatre gown over his clothes to keep the room sterile but he was glad he was going to be the first and last person that she would see before she fell asleep and woke up.

"What're you going to do while I'm gone?" Sam asked curiously. Tom could tell her premeds were beginning to take effect because she was rather groggy and her voice was slightly slurred.

"I'm going to wait just outside this room, and I'll be right here when you wake up." He smiled as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Tom I'm going to be gone for a couple of hours, you should go for a walk or get something to eat from the café." She murmured.

"Stop trying to get rid of me – I'm not going anywhere." He chuckled.

"Okay Sam, I'm going to give you a drug now that's going to make you feel very sleepy." The anaesthetist stated as she approached Sam with a syringe and she gently held the IV port in Sam's hand before she injected the substance.

"I'll see you very soon and I'll be right here, I promise." Tom said softly as he held her other hand tightly.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Tom smiled as he kissed her hand, but he then felt her hand become heavier as she had lost consciousness.

"Tom, if you'd like to step outside in now there are some seats in the corridor and we'll update you whenever we can." A nurse said as she opened the door for him.

* * *

He had lost count of the amount of times that he had paced up and down the corridor outside of theatre. Originally he had tried to count the amount of steps to keep him occupied but he'd lost count when his mind kept on going back to his wife. He'd told her time and time again that she had nothing to worry about and that the surgeon had performed the operation hundreds of times but he had been waiting four, very long hours.

He couldn't go for a walk because he felt that he had to be there in case there were complications, nor did he want to go to the café just down the corridor because he had lost his – usually gargantuan – appetite. He sat down once more on the padded row of seats and began twitching his legs up and down as he ran his hands over his face. Finally the swinging doors opened and he jumped to his feet.

"Sam–"

"Tom, Sam's being moved to recovery at the moment but it's best to give it some time before you go in there to allow the nurses in there to perform their duties. The surgery went without a glitch but I'd like you to wait just ten minutes before a nurse will come and collect you and take you to recovery." Sam's consultant, Dr Passmore, explained.

"And you've removed all of the tumours?"

"And all of the lymph nodes in the surrounding area, her nipples, the breast tissue and muscle and everything that we discussed beforehand, yes." He confirmed.

"Sorry, where are my manners? Thank you." Tom said gratefully as he shook the man's hand.

"No worries, I'm just doing my job. Now the nurses will take care of Sam in recovery, and once she's awake and she's moved back to her room I can come and speak to you about the implants and nipple reconstruction surgery."

* * *

Tom smiled as he entered the recovery room where the center of focus for two nurses was clearly his wife as they monitored her vital signs and levels of progress. She temporary tissue expanders in her chest which were essentially just bags filled with saline to hold the shape of her skin whilst she recovered from the surgery so with a hospital gown over her chest, Tom couldn't even tell that she'd had the surgery. He walked up to the bed, took her soft hand in both of his and smiled when a nurse placed a chair right next to the gurney for him.

"Thanks." He said appreciatively before he sat down beside Sam and kissed her hand. "Everything went smoothly, he managed to remove everything." Tom whispered to the unconscious individual. "All you've got to do now is rest. And in a couple of days, I'll take you home. You're going to be just fine."

"It must've been tough, going through the chemo and radiotherapy only to find that is hasn't worked." One of the nurses aired aloud.

"It was, but she's an incredible woman and she made the brave decision to have this operation." Tom stated. "And I'm so proud of her." He whispered before he kissed her hand once more.

* * *

"Can I have a drink please?" Sam asked after she had just been wheeled out of recovery and back to her private room on the ward.

"Yeah sure." Tom nodded eagerly as he grabbed the jug of water from the side and poured some into the clear plastic cup for her.

"Ah, Sam. How're you feeling?" Dr Passmore asked as he entered the room and picked up her file from the end of her bed.

"Less stressed." Sam replied honestly.

"Okay, so you had a look at them in recovery." He concluded from the notes. "What do you think?"

"The scars are a bit bigger than I thought they'd be." Sam admitted.

"The redness will soon go down. And they'll fade with time after the implant and nipple reconstruction surgery." Dr Passmore said sympathetically. "Now, depending on the size of the implants that you have, the result will differ and it depends if you want to go bigger–"

"No, I just want to have exactly the same size as I've always had." Sam stated confidently.

"Okay well, I'll let you rest and depending on your recovery you'll probably be discharged in two to three days. When you are discharged, you'll need plenty of rest and I'll process your prescriptions for preventative antibiotics and painkillers to save you from going to the pharmacy."

* * *

"You don't have to treat me like I'm so fragile I'll break as soon as you touch me." Sam stated as Tom opened the car door for her and helped her step out as she returned home for the first time after being discharged. She couldn't wear a bra as it was only the third day after her operation so she was wearing a loose t-shirt and a baggy dark blue hoodie and Tom was carrying the overnight bag for her.

"I know. You just deserve to be looked after." Tom smiled as he closed her car door behind her and then headed to the front door of their ground floor flat. "Go and get comfy on the sofa and I'll bring through the duvet and then make us some lunch." He ordered kindly as he unlocked and opened the door and then allowed his wife to walk through first.

"What're we having?"

"Grilled chicken salad sound alright?"

"Only if it's peri-peri chicken." Sam replied sheepishly as she walked into the living room.

"You're lucky, I think we've still got some nandos marinade in the fridge." Tom chuckled.

"If you use the cucumber make sure you–"

"Peel the skin off for you because you don't like it, I know." Tom chuckled. "I have been married to you for nearly a year." He protested.

"Yeah well you still forget that I don't like it when you leave the toilet seat up." Sam complained.

"La la la la la la." Tom grinned as he put his fingers in his ears.


	17. Chapter 17

"Are you kidding me? Zoe's specifically put on the rota that I'm not allowed in resus this week." Sam complained as she read the sheet of paper on the wall in the staff room whilst Tom changed into his scrubs.

"You had major surgery last week and it's your first day back at work Sam, you need to be taking it easy and Zoe clearly knows as well as I do that you need some guidance as to what you can and cannot do." Tom stated.

"Welcome back!" Fletch smiled as he entered the staff room with a rucksack on his back and a bunch of keys in his hand. "Wow, you don't even look like you've had it done." He frowned.

"Oh no, these aren't mine." Sam stated as she looked down at her chest. "It's basically two water balloons to hold the shape of my skin before I have my implants." She explained. "And anyway, you shouldn't be looking."

"I, on the other hand, have free access, 24/7." Tom grinned as he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and took a bite before he left the room to get on with some work.

"How're you feeling about the second operation?" Fletch asked curiously as he grabbed a clean pair of nurses' scrubs.

"Alright I guess. I just feel selfish because the two procedures are costing us thousands of pounds and I keep on thinking that I should have at least tried a second lot of chemo and radiotherapy." She admitted.

"Sam, you and Tom earn a good salary so I'm sure it's nothing you have to do overtime for."

"Well no, but–"

"Don't you dare say you gave up easily again because you put up a fight but cancer wasn't backing down so you did what you _had_ to do. It's not about being weak or being a coward. Sam you're the bravest person I know; you've had months of chemo and radiotherapy whilst working full time which I can't believe you managed. Now you've had a double mastectomy which was a brave and courageous choice to make. And next, you're going to have implants so that you can feel normal again. I mean, it's not as if you're having implants and going up to a triple G is it?"

"Thanks Fletch." Sam smiled appreciatively.

"No problem, just remember I'm here for you if you need anything okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Do you want me to come and visit you at the clinic? I could come and give Tom a break because I know he isn't gonna want to leave your side after the op." He offered.

"No, there's no need. I'll only be there for two or three days, then I'll come home."

"Make sure you take enough time off of work yeah?"

"I will, I'm taking off a whole week off after the implant surgery." Sam said with a hint of sarcasm. "But I won't be allowed to do anything major anyway because Zoe's restricted me to cubicles anyway this week and I'm sure she'll do it again for the other op." She grumbled.

"Oi, that just means you'll be paired with me for the foreseeable future." Fletch grinned and Sam couldn't help but smile.

* * *

"All you doctors are the same, aren't you?" A patient declared as he stood up from his bed after Sam had informed him that he was not a priority and that he would have to wait for his skull to be x-rayed which had sustained damage from a rather rough pub brawl. "You think you're all that and that you can tell me what I can and can't do." He slurred as he was clearly under the influence of alcohol.

"Mr Sampson, if you don't sit back on your bed now I'll call security." Sam warned.

"And if you don't stop talking down to me like I'm something you found on the bottom of your shoe then I might consider taking your advice." He shouted, by which point almost everyone in cubicles had their attention turned to them.

"I'm not talking down to you – I'm merely informing you that your behaviour at the moment is unacceptable so I need you to pipe down."

"I'll tell you to pipe down." He growled as he stepped towards her but the moment that he got even remotely close to her, Tom ran over and stepped in front of her.

"Sir, can you just sit down on your bed please? I'm sure Dr Kent has your best interests at heart." Tom requested whilst he kept himself in between his wife and the aggressive patient to keep her safe.

"Oh for god's sake, shut up!" He bellowed as he swung his fist and Sam gasped as her husband's head flew to the side.

"Tom!" She quickly put her hands on his shoulders to steady him before she glared at the patient. "Fletch call security now." Sam ordered. "Are you alright?"

"I need some ice." Tom grimaced as he cushioned his jaw with his hands.

"Come on." Sam said softly as she guided her husband away whilst two security guards entered cubicles to deal with the situation.

* * *

"Ah, let me." Sam said sternly yet kindly as she batted Tom's hands away before she gently applied the ice pack to his cheek where a deep red welt had already begun to form. He was sat at a stool at the breakfast bar in the staff room and after returning from the store cupboard, Sam sat on the chair next to him and entwined their legs together. "Thank you for standing up for me." She said appreciatively.

"That patient was a jerk." Tom stated as he placed a hand on her thigh and rubbed his thumb back and forth. "I didn't want you getting hurt."

"I'm a big girl, I can look after myself." Sam replied. She smiled as Tom put his other hand on top of hers on the ice pack and he held it affectionately as he brushed his thumb back and forth on the back of her hand. "You're going to have quite the bruise there." She warned him.

"Whatever. As long as you're alright."

"Do you think Zoe'll let us go home early because of this?" Sam asked curiously.

"Sam you're more than entitled to more sick leave so if you don't feel up to working then–"

"Tom, I feel fine. I just can't be bothered." Sam smirked. "I'm sure Zoe's already heard by now but I'm going to go and tell Zoe you've got a headache so I'm going to take you home."

* * *

"You don't think I'm being selfish by having these implants do you?" Sam asked as she sat at the breakfast bar whilst her husband cooked them dinner. "Because if you do then I'd rather you say something–"

"Sam, I wouldn't care if you were having implants in your bum cheeks alright? I just want you to be happy." Tom smirked. "You've been through a lot and you deserve to get what you want for a while. Besides, I feel like your sugar daddy; paying for your new boobs." He grinned but as his smile widened, he could feel his bruised cheek muscle stiffening.

"Tom!" Sam laughed.

"I'm just messing with you." He chuckled. "How're you feeling?"

"Alright, I guess. I feel better knowing that I don't have the tumours in me anymore but I'm still worried about having future appointments to make sure that the cancer doesn't come back. I mean, I know it's only a tiny chance but I have to have regular check-ups for a reason – there is a chance that it could come back and I can't do anything to prevent it."

"I'll always come with you." Tom said reassuringly. "And there's as much chance of that cancer coming back, than there is of winning the lottery and it could be even lower than that."

"People win the lottery though." Sam pointed out.

"Yeah and we never have, so forget about it."


	18. Chapter 18

Finally, the day had come for Sam to have her implant and nipple reconstruction surgery. She had been shown to her private room which wasn't too different from the room that she had had on the same ward a couple of weeks ago for her double mastectomy. She had an ensuite bathroom and in her room was a sofa where Tom would sleep for the one night that she would remain admitted – assuming that there were no complications.

"I get to see your birthday presents before you even wake up." Tom grinned as he unpacked a few bottles of water and healthy snacks onto her bedside table.

"No you won't." Sam protested.

"Well no but I'll be able to see the shape of them through the covers." He smirked. "Don't panic, it's going to be fine." He said reassuringly.

"Ah, Sam. I'd heard you've just been checked in." Dr Passmore announced as he entered the room. "Now as before, I will see your case through from start to finish. You will be collected by a nurse at around quarter past ten and then walked to the anaesthetics room where you'll be sedated. The full operation of implants and a double nipple reconstruction could take anywhere between 2 – 6 hours but I predict a fairly straight forward operation. At a guess, I'd say three, maybe four hours."

* * *

"I'm going to be right here when you wake up." Tom whispered as Sam was put under sedation.

"I don't feel well." She mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Tom frowned.

"I feel… weird." She murmured as her eyelids drooped.

"It's just nerves, you're going to be fine. I promise." Tom said reassuringly as he held her hand tightly.

"I don't want to go to school."

"You're not going to school." Tom chuckled after glancing up at the nurses to see that they were also amused by the side effects of the drugs that she was on. "No no, don't move." Tom said sternly as he put his hands on her shoulders to hold her down on the gurney.

"I don't… I don't want to be here."

"Sam, just relax." Tom ordered softly.

"I… I want… I…" Sam continued to murmur incomprehensible noises for almost a minute until she finally fell unconscious and stopped making clumsy movements.

"Okay Mr Kent, can you step outside now please?" A nurse requested.

"Yeah sure." He nodded. He lifted her hand up and kissed her soft skin before he placed it on the bed and the left the anaesthetics room.

* * *

Sam opened her groggy eyes and blinked several times until her pupils focused on the handsome man standing next to her.

"Hello beautiful." He whispered.

"How'd it go?" She croaked.

"No complications, it all went fine." Tom stated. "Although you did take to the anaesthetic a bit funny." He chuckled.

"I didn't do anything stupid did I?" She groaned.

"You only turned into a bit of a stroppy teenager." Tom grinned. He watched as Sam lifted her head from the pillow and looked down at her hospital gown. "You woke up in the recovery room but you went straight back to sleep again so they let you get some rest – a benefit of going private." He explained. "You consultant did your obs five minutes ago so we should be alone for a while if you want to have a look at the final results." He offered.

"I um…"

"I can step outside if you want to look by yourself first."

"No– I mean, I'm still tired. I don't want to look yet." Sam stated before she closed her eyes.

"You'll have to look sometime."

"I know, I just need some rest."

"Okay." He nodded before he sat down on the chair next to her bed.

"Thank you so much for this."

"I think you mean 'thank you so much for _these._'" Tom corrected.

* * *

Sam returned home the next day and she walked straight through to the open plan kitchen and flicked the kettle on.

"Go and sit down, I'll do it." Tom stated as he placed her overnight bag on the side. "What do you want?"

"Coffee please. With some cocoa powder."

"So a mocha then." Tom concluded as he got out two mugs.

"Thank you." Sam sung as she walked over to the sofa and sat down with caution. She put her hand on her chest and felt her tight fitting sports bra through her hoodie that she was wearing. The implants had taken several hours to get used to and the first time she had sat up, they had felt rather heavy compared to the saline expanders that she had had for a fortnight but she was happy with the results. "Can you stop staring at my chest please?" Sam laughed as she looked up to meet eyes with her husband who knew he'd just been caught.

"I'm just making sure that I got my money's worth." Tom smirked.

"I can't believe this is it… There's – hopefully – going to be no more surgery, no more treatments and just a couple of check-ups."

"You've fought long and hard and we've finally reached the end. I'm so proud of you." Tom smiled as he sat down beside her on the sofa and handed her a steaming mug.

"I couldn't have done any of it without you. _Really_, I couldn't have made it through the chemo or the radio therapy alone and you've looked after me for months. I'll be forever in your debt."

"I did it because I love you." Tom stated as he put his arm around her shoulders. "I know you'd do the same for me if it was the other way around."

"Yeah but I bet it's not exactly how you thought our first year of marriage would go."

"It's only brought us closer together and I'm just glad that you're healthy now." Tom said reassuringly. "How's your mocha?"

"Costa makes a nicer one." Sam replied cheekily.

"Yeah well Costa also doesn't use instant coffee or skimmed milk." Tom quipped.

* * *

"Why don't we do this more often?" Sam asked as she laid flat on her back in bed whilst Tom laid parallel to her with one of his arms across her abdomen and the other holding her hand under the sheets.

"We cuddle nearly every night." Tom frowned.

"Yeah but normally it's _you_ on your back and me with my arms around _you_. This is so much more comfortable." Sam stated bluntly.

"Because you haven't normally had surgery which prevents you from lying on your side." Tom stated. "By the way, how are the stitches?"

"Alright." Sam shrugged. "The redness has gone down and there's no bleeding or anything like that."

"Good. Right come on, you need to get some rest."

"_You're_ the one who's talking." Sam protested.

"Night."

"Night." Tom kissed her on the cheek before he flicked the bedside lamp out and fell asleep with his wife in his arms.


	19. Chapter 19

"I'm glad you had the implants." Fletch aired aloud as Sam made a cup of coffee in the staffroom on her first day back at work after taking a week off for her recovery.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I'm happily married." Sam replied playfully as she twisted the ring on her finger.

"No, I don't mean because of what it looks like. It's just made you happier in general."

"How would you like to make me even happier?" Sam asked.

"How'd ya mean?" Fletch frowned in confusion.

"Well, I want to thank Tom for looking after me for months now so I want to take him on holiday. But I've gotta be honest, I'm useless at those sorts of things; I've never booked a holiday by myself before and I know I'll forget something like car rental or I'll do something wrong with the flights."

"So you want me to help you book a holiday?"

"Yes please." Sam smiled.

* * *

"What're you two up to?" Tom asked as he entered the staffroom to find Sam and Tom sitting in the staffroom on her iPad.

"Um, I was just showing Fletch a picture of one of the suites at the clinic."

"Yeah, I can't believe what money'll get you these days. I know it cost an arm and a leg but these suites look incredible." Fletch exclaimed.

"Oh right. Do you want a cup of tea?" Tom asked as he flicked the kettle on.

"No thanks, I'd better get on." Fletch smiled before he got up and left after mouthing the word 'later' to his best friend.

"What about you?" Tom offered.

"Um, no thanks I don't really fancy a hot drink."

"Cold drink then?"

"Yeah, I could murder for a milkshake."

"Well I haven't got a milkshake here have I?" Tom smirked.

"No but you could pop down the corner shop, get some chocolate ice cream - there's milk in the fridge - and then you could blend some Oreos in it to make it really nice."

"What's going on with you? You'd never want something that sugary." He frowned.

"Oi. I'm on my period, if I want chocolate I get it." Sam snapped playfully.

"Alright alright stroppy pants. I'm going." Tom laughed as he put his stethoscope down on the side and grabbed his NHS jumper from his locker before he left with his wallet. Sam knew it probably was a little something to do with her hormones, as well as the fact that she just hadn't had anything sugary for ages, plus she hadn't spoilt herself with something like a takeaway or meal out for ages so she wanted to treat herself.

* * *

"So you're calling me an alcoholic?"

"No, I'm merely suggesting that laying off of the alcohol could considerably help your condition." Sam replied to her patient who she had known to be a trouble maker from the minute she laid eyes on him.

"I can see the way you're looking at me." He growled as he rose to his feet and with his considerable height advantage over her, she wasn't sure of what to do because she knew her stitches meant she was more vulnerable than usual - she couldn't make any sudden movements without a repercussion of pain. "You think I'm some sort of idiot? You–" Sam wasn't exactly sure what was happening but the next thing she knew, he swung for her yet missed because Tom pushed in front of her.

"You need to calm down now or we're going to call the poli–"

"Tom!" Sam grimaced as the patient punched him where no man should be hit and he collapsed onto the floor on his knees.

"Security." Zoe ordered as she quickly walked over to the cubicle. "Tom, you alright?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick." He croaked and Sam gratefully accepted a sick bowl from her boss before she held it in front of him.

"He was asking for it." The patient declared.

"Come on, let's get you to the staffroom and you can have a sit down." Sam smiled sympathetically as she stood up and pulled her husband to his feet before she slowly walked him over to the staffroom. "Thank you for stepping in front of me." She said softly as he slowly sat down on the sofa. "Again." She added.

"You didn't pull your stitches did you?" He groaned.

"No, I'm fine." Sam replied reassuringly before she walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. "Here, hold this over your balls – we haven't got a bag of peas." She smirked.

"This isn't funny."

"No I know, it looks painful." She replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"You haven't seen it." Tom protested.

"Is that an offer?" Sam grinned.

"Save it for the bedroom." Zoe moaned as she entered the staffroom. "Right Tom, he's been caught by security now you'll need to fill out a form–"

"Just forget it; he's drunk and we all get a little bit out of control sometimes. Filling out a form isn't going to make anything happen, there will just be a tonne of paperwork so just leave it." Tom ordered.

"Okay. Well your shifts are pretty much finished; you two can go early if you want." She stated before she left the room and Sam looked back at the man she was in love with.

"What is it with us, eh? It always seems to be me as the damsel in distress and you come and be my knight in shining armour."

"Trust me, I don't like it any more than you do." Tom groaned as he took deep breaths.

* * *

Sam drove her husband home, cooked him dinner and let him have a sit down before they got into bed and laid in each other's arms.

"Does it still hurt?" Sam asked. "Because my hands can work wonders if you let them." Sam smiled and Tom's face suddenly lit up. Given the proximity of two operations within a fortnight, they hadn't made love because of her recovery and the fact that she only had temporary implants meant that she had taken things easier than she probably had to. "I don't want you to touch my chest or lean on it yet, okay? They're still a bit sore but otherwise, I give you permission to do whatever you want to help with the pain." She smiled seductively and Tom couldn't believe what sort of mood she was in so he appeared rather shocked. "What?"

"Nothing I just… Are you sure this is what you want, yeah? We don't have to rush into things."

"I know, I want this." Sam confirmed.

"Okay, come here then." Tom grinned as he threw the duvet off of him and allowed his wife to climb on top of him so that they could make love.


	20. Chapter 20

"Right, what do you want for Christmas? Should we write a short list each?" Tom asked his wife who was eating a bowl of muesli at the breakfast bar.

"Oh, don't bother getting me anything."

"What? I _have_ to. We've got to get everything to have a big Christmas dinner together. And we can–"

"Tom stop, please." Sam interrupted politely.

"What? I don't understand."

"Right, I've been waiting for the right time to tell you but I suppose now is as good a time as any..."

"What is it? You're worrying me." Tom frowned because as far as he was concerned she had gotten the all clear from a check-up a fortnight ago and his worst fear was a return of her cancer.

"It's nothing to be worried about. It's just that we're not spending Christmas here in Holby. I've book us a holiday to go away and I was thinking that since... Well, we don't have to if you don't want to, but it's been six months since I last had radiotherapy or chemotherapy now so it's safe, and I've been taking vitamins, eating properly, exercising, and not drinking alcohol for weeks... So that if you want to, we can try for a baby." Sam explained slowly.

"Of course I want to!" Tom chuckled as he wrapped his arms around her abdomen from behind and then kissed her behind the ear. "Where're we going?"

"Sweden; I've booked us a log cabin for two weeks over Christmas and booked the time off of work for us."

"That sounds great."

"Yeah?"

"Of course it does!" Tom chuckled. "I can't wait to go. And me and you are gonna have a great time. Plus after that, we can come home and then celebrate Christmas again at home!"

"Y'know, this could be my last period for the next nine months." Sam smiled.

"It'll also be the best sleep that you're gonna get for a long time. First it'll be getting up to have a wee, morning sickness and then too much pressure on your spine to sleep. Then before you know it, you'll be up all night changing nappies."

"Mm. But not breast feeding." Sam said sadly.

"You know that's not your fault." Tom said reassuringly. "Plus you know how developed formulas are today. They might as well be breastmilk as a powder. Come on, I want to see where I'll be spending my Christmas with my wife." Tom ordered as he grabbed the iPad off of the side and put it next to her cereal bowl.

"You do know it might not happen first time. Even healthy couples have problems conceiving so I might not be able to conceive first time, or even at all." Sam warned.

"We'll get there." Tom stated as he went over to the fridge to grab the orange juice, followed by two glasses. "I propose a toast to good health, trying for a baby and building a snowman on Christmas Day." Tom grinned as he placed a glass in front of her and then held his one up.

"That's a mouthful." Sam commented.

"Well I want to celebrate you being healthy again, having a holiday and becoming a father." Tom said proudly.

"I'm not pregnant yet and we could still have issues."

"You don't need to worry; if we do have problems then we can save up and have IVF. We'll have a baby somehow."

"To family?" Sam suggested.

"To family." Tom nodded and they chinked glasses before they had a swig of the fruit juice.

"I want to start running again soon." Sam admitted. "And if I do fall pregnant then I'll wait until after because I want to train to run the London marathon to raise money for the Holby Oncology ward." Sam stated. "They might not have paid for my mastectomy but they were really supportive throughout my other treatment and I want to give something back."

"That sounds like a great idea." Tom smiled. "And seeing as you will have to train for it and the fact that we'll be starting at relatively similar starting levels, I could do it with you." He added.

"You do realise that a marathon is 26 miles don't you?" Sam smirked.

"Yeah, I'd do anything for the people who helped you through a really tough time." Tom replied kindly. "Right, come on. We'd better get ready for work."

* * *

**The End.**

**I just want to say a big thank you to all of the reviews on this story - they've been really sweet - and I want to give a special thanks to x snow-pony x who has reviewed every chapter and TamForever who has reviewed almost every chapter too!**


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